I had dreams during the night of not being able to get my work done at The Window, of people interrupting me, of food not getting done, produce coming in, donations coming in - lots of decisions to be made in short amounts of time......I would consider them nightmares.
Woke up to the reality that I didn't have to go into work. It will take me awhile to realize that I'm not just on vacation.
This week is a week of puttering around the house, getting ready to go camping and being able to sleep whenever I want.
Next week, I do another first and that is to get out on the open road all by myself and head to Florida for a few days. Yep, just me, myself and I in my car with the windows open and the music loud - wind blowing my hair and nothing to do but drive and sing at the top of my lungs. That in itself will be very therapeutic for me. I love to drive and I love the open road. I will be staying with my good friend and cousin who is a certified life coach and she will also help me to debrief the past 4 1/2 years, especially the past year that was full of tension, disagreements, drama and lots of stress. Hoping to come back with most if not all the cobwebs gone and clear thinking and dreams and passions.
But that is next week - back to my first day......going to pick up donuts for my Yoder family that will be coming for breakfast to help me celebrate and enjoy my first day.
I am so thankful and so grateful for my husband who encourages me and supports me to take this time to "pull myself together". It's probably mostly for his own sanity and health and protection....hahahaha LOL
I am so thankful and so very grateful to the Lover of my soul - who reminds me how deeply He loves me with this house that is quickly becoming home and the amazing view I have every single morning.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Friday, July 28, 2017
New Projects and New Beginnings
On a much lighter and more fun note....or blog....we are beginning some outdoor projects around our house.....Last weekend - Steve tore out the back entrance steps which was crumbling down and replaced them with a small wood deck/steps
He needs to put up the railing yet.
This afternoon, he began to grade our driveway to make room for his work truck for parking and to level out our drive.
I on the other hand....after my grueling, emotionally exhausting last day at The Window was enjoying my Rum and Coke while I watched him and took videos to share with Johan (our grandson).
This afternoon, he began to grade our driveway to make room for his work truck for parking and to level out our drive.
We end our day tonight by celebrating life and endings and an early partial retirement and new beginnings with dinner and drinks at the Channel Marker in Syracuse.
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Giving Up My Key
Wow!!! Tomorrow, the sun will come out. Tomorrow, God will continue to show up. Tomorrow, lunch will go on as usual at The Window.....but....for me it will be my last time.
Today I gave my key to Dawn Yoder, who is the new Kitchen Administrator. It felt weird to hand my key over to someone else. The key that I've had on my key ring for 4 1/2 years. The key that opened all the doors and allowed me to enter into a place where God is at work.
I didn't think too much about it - it was a quick decision on my part but as she took that key reality came crashing in as I realized that I no longer had the honor and privilege to enter into any door at The Window, I now had to ask permission. I now have to be the one to borrow someone's key if I need to go over to the pantry or down to the basement or even to the staff bathroom. Wow!!!
So many lives that touched mine over these past 4 1/2 years. So many that I've given a smile to, given a hug, given a cup of coffee, given a meal, even given a kick in the backside when they needed it. =) These years have been precious, challenging, overwhelming, nerve wracking, stressful, full of laughter, tears, dancing, singing and a whole lot of God stuff. God has shown up in ways that I will never ever forget. He has shown up in the tiniest of details to the hugest of watching multiplication of food right before my very eyes, to watching the sugar bin never run dry without purchasing one bag of sugar in 4 years. I have watched Him touch people's lives, giving them tents, shoes, jobs, places to live, giving them hope for the future. I have watched Him help people get sober, clean from addictions, get their kids back and move on with their lives in productive ways. I have also watched with pain and tears as people walked back into lifestyles of addictions and even incarceration. I have also watched the community come together when one of our own passed away. I have lived a lot of life during these years and I wouldn't trade one of these moments for anything.
Today I gave my key to Dawn Yoder, who is the new Kitchen Administrator. It felt weird to hand my key over to someone else. The key that I've had on my key ring for 4 1/2 years. The key that opened all the doors and allowed me to enter into a place where God is at work.
I didn't think too much about it - it was a quick decision on my part but as she took that key reality came crashing in as I realized that I no longer had the honor and privilege to enter into any door at The Window, I now had to ask permission. I now have to be the one to borrow someone's key if I need to go over to the pantry or down to the basement or even to the staff bathroom. Wow!!!
Monday, July 24, 2017
A Normal New View
Sunday, July 23, 2017
Recounting and Rebuilding
This morning - I woke up this serene, mesmorizingly beautiful view. Within the fog - there is beauty. It was such a quiet, still morning as I sat out there with my coffee cup in hand. The fog can be dense and can just hover like it did this morning. Slowly as the sun comes up, the rays cut through the denseness and shapes begin to appear. There is such an ethereal beauty of the rays cutting through - almost makes one feel part of a fairy tale (well at least me).
This morning, I once again rode my bike up to The Window to open up for EXTEND which is a missional community that as taken The Window as a point of ministry. They serve breakfast and sometimes deliver lunches. Anyway, seeing as this was my last Sunday to open up for them - I was able to share some incredible God stories through the past 4 years. It has been very healing and inspiring for me to be able to recount the faithfulness and goodness of God throughout my journey at The Window.
Once I got home, this is what greeted me. Steve tore out the back steps which was crumbling down and not real safe. He doesn't mess around - when he knows something needs to be done - he gets busy.
Once I got home, this is what greeted me. Steve tore out the back steps which was crumbling down and not real safe. He doesn't mess around - when he knows something needs to be done - he gets busy.
So cool to see rebuilding taking place in our lives in a new home and I know that the rebuilding will take place for me as I end my time at The Window this week and take some time to figure out what is next. Rebuilding is exciting, especially when you see something take shape and know the result will be really really good. It can also be a place of real vulnerability - in between - transition - in flux - those are words that don't conjure up a lot of security or good feelings. But I do know that whatever is next will be the next phase of my journey and it will be good. I KNOW for sure that my 4 years at The Window have prepared me for what's next. So let the rebuilding begin!!!!! And I will continue to recount the goodness and faithfulness of God, because that is what builds our faith.
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Ending A Chapter
Live among them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build on what they have. But of the best leaders, When their work is done, The people will say, “We have done it ourselves.”
-Lao Tzu
I love this quote - it has been what I've strived to do and be the past 4 years in my position of Kitchen Administrator/Head Cook at The Window.
When I first started, I knew that God has called me there for a season. Little did I know that the season would be of transforming my heart and mind into more of how God views each one of us no matter our station in life, our social status, our economic status. Whether or not we deal with social dysfunctions, emotional dysfunctions, mental dysfunctions, addictions, alcoholism, etc.
I thought that being a missionary in the poorest of areas in India had matured me and prepared me for life in the city of Goshen with the disenfranchised, working poor, homeless, widows, orphans, veterans, senior citizens. I thought I was so prepared....such was not the case. I was humbled by the horrid reality that I had assumptions, presumptions and misconceptions and yes, even judgments and deceptions of my own heart and mind towards certain life styles and cultures. My heart broke as I became more and more aware and involved in people's lives and the truth that yes, people that I know do sleep on and in the streets, park benches, baseball dugouts, woods and abandoned buildings with no electricity or heat. I became horrified that others with in my social circles were so unaware of the need in our own backyards and streets and sidewalks and parks. I was humbled at the reality of how unaware I was in my sheltered life of how a large majority of people live.
Yes, God transformed my heart and I began to learn from them and love them. I learned how to build on what they have and how they live. I learned so much and my heart has expanded to a very large capacity. They have become family to me.
I learned that one can NOT judge a book by it's cover and can most certainly NOT judge a person by the way they look. I have learned that homelessness is not always a result of laziness. There is such a myriad of reasons why someone ends up being homeless. I have heard many tragic stories over the past 4 years. I have heard some really cool stories as well. I have also learned that there are also those who take advantage of the "system", of good people, of giving hearts but just because someone is in need of assistance for one reason or another does NOT mean that they are lazy or that they don't deserve a helping hand.
My goal in being there was to be an extension of the love and kindness of God. Not matter who you are or what you've done or where you're at in life - YOU have been created in the image of God. HE loves YOU. That's it pure and simple. I wanted to be at least one person or place where each one could be valued, loved, respected and treated as I would want to be treated. There is no difference between you and me in the eyes of God. Jesus died for you no matter your addictions or the issues that you struggle with JUST AS He died for me or anyone else.
I learned and am continuing to learn that my responsibility is to love - that's it - no strings attached, no judgments, no expectations - just love. The two greatest commandments is to love God with everything that I am and then to love my neighbor as myself. I have also learned that so many people have not been brought up to love or to respect or to be kind. In order to survive in their culture or society - they have to steal or lie or take advantage. But it is NOT my place to judge. Only God knows their hearts and their motives and the reasons why they do the things they do. My place is to love. Love is the greatest force in the entire universe.
My heart soared when I would look out over the dining room and see and hear people interacting, people praying for each other, people encouraging, laughing and eating. My heart would be so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love from them to me as they helped me wash the dishes, sweep and mop the floors, carry boxes for me, take out the garbage. I remember days when someone would ask me to turn up the music and then the dancing would begin. I remember days when we would grieve together as one of our community members passed away. I remember learning everyone's name because there's something to being validated and known when someone knows your name.
I want to take this further - and not only feed people but teach them how to feed themselves. Not sure what the next season holds or where it will take me. But I do know that God is not finished with me here in the Goshen community. There is a strategy why He put it in our hearts to move to Goshen. I want to continue to learn. I want to continue to help. I want to continue to call people to higher standards for themselves. I want to continue to point people to Jesus and how He wants them to live. Not anyone else's standards but His. And I could go on but this blog has gone on long enough.........
-Lao Tzu
I love this quote - it has been what I've strived to do and be the past 4 years in my position of Kitchen Administrator/Head Cook at The Window.
When I first started, I knew that God has called me there for a season. Little did I know that the season would be of transforming my heart and mind into more of how God views each one of us no matter our station in life, our social status, our economic status. Whether or not we deal with social dysfunctions, emotional dysfunctions, mental dysfunctions, addictions, alcoholism, etc.
I thought that being a missionary in the poorest of areas in India had matured me and prepared me for life in the city of Goshen with the disenfranchised, working poor, homeless, widows, orphans, veterans, senior citizens. I thought I was so prepared....such was not the case. I was humbled by the horrid reality that I had assumptions, presumptions and misconceptions and yes, even judgments and deceptions of my own heart and mind towards certain life styles and cultures. My heart broke as I became more and more aware and involved in people's lives and the truth that yes, people that I know do sleep on and in the streets, park benches, baseball dugouts, woods and abandoned buildings with no electricity or heat. I became horrified that others with in my social circles were so unaware of the need in our own backyards and streets and sidewalks and parks. I was humbled at the reality of how unaware I was in my sheltered life of how a large majority of people live.
Yes, God transformed my heart and I began to learn from them and love them. I learned how to build on what they have and how they live. I learned so much and my heart has expanded to a very large capacity. They have become family to me.
I learned that one can NOT judge a book by it's cover and can most certainly NOT judge a person by the way they look. I have learned that homelessness is not always a result of laziness. There is such a myriad of reasons why someone ends up being homeless. I have heard many tragic stories over the past 4 years. I have heard some really cool stories as well. I have also learned that there are also those who take advantage of the "system", of good people, of giving hearts but just because someone is in need of assistance for one reason or another does NOT mean that they are lazy or that they don't deserve a helping hand.
My goal in being there was to be an extension of the love and kindness of God. Not matter who you are or what you've done or where you're at in life - YOU have been created in the image of God. HE loves YOU. That's it pure and simple. I wanted to be at least one person or place where each one could be valued, loved, respected and treated as I would want to be treated. There is no difference between you and me in the eyes of God. Jesus died for you no matter your addictions or the issues that you struggle with JUST AS He died for me or anyone else.
I learned and am continuing to learn that my responsibility is to love - that's it - no strings attached, no judgments, no expectations - just love. The two greatest commandments is to love God with everything that I am and then to love my neighbor as myself. I have also learned that so many people have not been brought up to love or to respect or to be kind. In order to survive in their culture or society - they have to steal or lie or take advantage. But it is NOT my place to judge. Only God knows their hearts and their motives and the reasons why they do the things they do. My place is to love. Love is the greatest force in the entire universe.
My heart soared when I would look out over the dining room and see and hear people interacting, people praying for each other, people encouraging, laughing and eating. My heart would be so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love from them to me as they helped me wash the dishes, sweep and mop the floors, carry boxes for me, take out the garbage. I remember days when someone would ask me to turn up the music and then the dancing would begin. I remember days when we would grieve together as one of our community members passed away. I remember learning everyone's name because there's something to being validated and known when someone knows your name.
I want to take this further - and not only feed people but teach them how to feed themselves. Not sure what the next season holds or where it will take me. But I do know that God is not finished with me here in the Goshen community. There is a strategy why He put it in our hearts to move to Goshen. I want to continue to learn. I want to continue to help. I want to continue to call people to higher standards for themselves. I want to continue to point people to Jesus and how He wants them to live. Not anyone else's standards but His. And I could go on but this blog has gone on long enough.........
Saturday, July 15, 2017
New View, A New Seat and a New Way To Do Laundry
This morning I woke up to a most awesome, beautiful view out my front door. I haven't had an East view for about 13 years unless we were camping. So this is something very new for me and I absolutely love it. Hopefully sometime this year - I can have a nice new front porch to make the view even more pleasant.
And if this view isn't enough - I have a new view in my living room to enjoy. I have never had my own recliner, so I'm very happy. I have already enjoyed a cat nap in it this afternoon.
And then another new that I've never experienced before is a stackable washer and dryer. But with just the two of us anymore - it is exactly what is needed. I think I really am liking this new season of life.
But if I had my choice, I'd still rather have my kids and grandkids close by to share life with in person. But for now, this is our new.
Stay tuned for more new........
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
New Normals
Adjusting to a new normal is our drama right now. The biggest new normal is that Steve and I HAVE to share a bathroom. The other house - we each had our own bathroom (after the girls moved out) and now we share this teeny tiny bathroom in which it is really difficult to turn around without hitting the sink or the bathtub or the toilet.....oh well - it makes for some good laughs.
Another new normal is that we don't have to climb so many steps, which is a very good thing. The other house - the laundry was in the basement and our bedroom was on the 2nd floor and we had about 6 steps just to get into the main level from the back door. Lots of going up and downs. Now we have everything on the main level. We do have a basement but it will be mainly used for storage.
Another new normal is having a huge garage. I think it may be the same size as the house....maybe not...but it feels like it.
Another one is that instead of the 25 minute drive one way into work and then back again - now it's like 5 minutes (depending on traffic) and about 10 minutes when I ride my bike. I like that a lot.
One more new normal is that today when I left my sister's house I almost turned left to go back to Elkhart and in the nick of time I remembered that I can turn right and be at my house in 10 minutes or less.
Lots of newness right now. Much too soon - all the new normals will just become normal and life will go on.....but I do hope that very soon I can share with you a huge new normal that is coming at the end of this month. Stay tuned......Unless you've become quite tired of my "novels". Then I really don't care because this is really just for me to get all my words out and if you want to - you can listen in. hahaha And then Steve doesn't have to listen to ALL my words....for which he is very thankful.
Another new normal is that we don't have to climb so many steps, which is a very good thing. The other house - the laundry was in the basement and our bedroom was on the 2nd floor and we had about 6 steps just to get into the main level from the back door. Lots of going up and downs. Now we have everything on the main level. We do have a basement but it will be mainly used for storage.
Another new normal is having a huge garage. I think it may be the same size as the house....maybe not...but it feels like it.
Another one is that instead of the 25 minute drive one way into work and then back again - now it's like 5 minutes (depending on traffic) and about 10 minutes when I ride my bike. I like that a lot.
One more new normal is that today when I left my sister's house I almost turned left to go back to Elkhart and in the nick of time I remembered that I can turn right and be at my house in 10 minutes or less.
Lots of newness right now. Much too soon - all the new normals will just become normal and life will go on.....but I do hope that very soon I can share with you a huge new normal that is coming at the end of this month. Stay tuned......Unless you've become quite tired of my "novels". Then I really don't care because this is really just for me to get all my words out and if you want to - you can listen in. hahaha And then Steve doesn't have to listen to ALL my words....for which he is very thankful.
Saturday, July 8, 2017
Almost Home
We are moved and making this new place more and more like a home.
Wednesday, both Steve and I put in a day of work and then got home with the moving truck around 4pm to find some of our family already there waiting on us. Immediately, the moving started and about 1 1/2 hours later - our house was vacated of all our belongings except for an air mattress and toiletries. We then drove the truck here to the new house and left it in the drive. Then we ordered pizza and went out to my sister's "lake house" and ate pizza while the kids cooled off in the "lake". We had almost all my nieces and nephews, Mom and Pops, most of my siblings help us pack up the old house. What a whirlwind. I had difficulty staying focused and keeping up.
Steve and I went back to our old house for the last night and woke up early to finish getting all the odds and ends and food out of the fridge into his truck and my car. His truck looked like the Beverly Hillbillies driving down the road as we went to the Corner Cafe for breakfast and then to the title company to close on both our houses, which took 2 hours. Then we headed to our new house to unload the vehicles and the moving truck. That took all of 1 hour; again with all the help listed above. Another whirlwind. I was rather overwhelmed as we tried to fit every piece of furniture from a 1500 sq ft house to less than 1000 sq ft house.......it was as if someone set off a bomb.
Yesterday, I had the day off work and I made slow progress but progress non the less. Today, both Steve and I went into it non stop and then Hannah came to help. We are making it look more and more like a home.
Wednesday, both Steve and I put in a day of work and then got home with the moving truck around 4pm to find some of our family already there waiting on us. Immediately, the moving started and about 1 1/2 hours later - our house was vacated of all our belongings except for an air mattress and toiletries. We then drove the truck here to the new house and left it in the drive. Then we ordered pizza and went out to my sister's "lake house" and ate pizza while the kids cooled off in the "lake". We had almost all my nieces and nephews, Mom and Pops, most of my siblings help us pack up the old house. What a whirlwind. I had difficulty staying focused and keeping up.
Steve and I went back to our old house for the last night and woke up early to finish getting all the odds and ends and food out of the fridge into his truck and my car. His truck looked like the Beverly Hillbillies driving down the road as we went to the Corner Cafe for breakfast and then to the title company to close on both our houses, which took 2 hours. Then we headed to our new house to unload the vehicles and the moving truck. That took all of 1 hour; again with all the help listed above. Another whirlwind. I was rather overwhelmed as we tried to fit every piece of furniture from a 1500 sq ft house to less than 1000 sq ft house.......it was as if someone set off a bomb.
Yesterday, I had the day off work and I made slow progress but progress non the less. Today, both Steve and I went into it non stop and then Hannah came to help. We are making it look more and more like a home.
Thanks to my awesome Yoder family for all your great help. We couldn't have done it without you. Well, we could have but we would have still been moving out and in for an entire month. Cuz man, we feel rather old with 4 days of non stop activity.
I have a good feeling that this will be "home" in a short time.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
And So It Begins
Here we go.........packing up a house that we've lived in for 14 years. There is a lot of excitement for the new but tinged with a sadness of what we're leaving behind. We do carry with us a lot of memories in our hearts and minds.
As I walk from room to room - looking in all the corners and closets and nooks and crannys - I hear the laughter and I see the tears. I remember which girl stayed in which room and where their beds were and how clean and organized or cluttered the rooms were, depending on the girl. I see the table where we shared good food and great conversation with many friends who have come and gone in our lives over these last 14 years. Lots of sunshine in this home - one of the huge reasons I love this home - lots of windows and lots of light. Our family has seen it's share of grief and loss but overarching is all the light and laughter that we have shared. Hopefully we leave our girls with lots of memories to begin their families and homes.
So much beauty here that we created - that God created in our family and our home and our lives. Looking forward with tears and joy to the beauty that He will continue to create in us and through us as we begin this new chapter.
Sunday, July 2, 2017
Reprieve
This weekend, both Steve and I had a reprieve from all the house proceedings and each other ;)
He caught up with some of his high school friends in Chicago. They had tickets for the Dead and Company (they were huge Grateful Dead fans all the way back during their school days). They rented a house near Wrigley Field where the concert was and from all they revealed to me, they had a great time.
I on the other hand, with Hannah as my side kick, took off on the 4 hour road trip down to Loogootee, IN to be with other family and relax and get away. We ate, we played shuffle board, we ate some more, had a few drinks, slept, read, talked and laughed and ate some more, got pedicures, went out to eat and basically felt my whole being relax. I have come away from there with a renewed focus.
Now we both are ready to face this week of moving and finishing up this never-ending house buying/selling process.
Hopefully by the end of this week - we will have finished this chapter of our lives.
He caught up with some of his high school friends in Chicago. They had tickets for the Dead and Company (they were huge Grateful Dead fans all the way back during their school days). They rented a house near Wrigley Field where the concert was and from all they revealed to me, they had a great time.
I on the other hand, with Hannah as my side kick, took off on the 4 hour road trip down to Loogootee, IN to be with other family and relax and get away. We ate, we played shuffle board, we ate some more, had a few drinks, slept, read, talked and laughed and ate some more, got pedicures, went out to eat and basically felt my whole being relax. I have come away from there with a renewed focus.
Hopefully by the end of this week - we will have finished this chapter of our lives.
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