CHANGE - the meaning of this word can be from "laying aside, abandoning, transformation, passing from one phase to another; to as trivial as changing of one's clothes or purchase or moving of furniture".
Change can be fun, adventurous, bring a breath of fresh air.
Change can be forming a different opinion, a change of lifestyle, a season in life.
Throughout our day - there can be many changes. We change our position when we leave our house to go to work. Those changes are routine and part of our day. We change clothes at lease once a day, sometimes several times in a day.
Throughout our 32 years of marriage - we have changed places of residences about every 3 years. We even changed our residence to a different country a couple of times. This place that we live in now, we have been here since 2004 - that is a change of lifestyle for us. We have not put down roots in any one place for very long until this house. Every few years, I get restless and antsy. Steve gets frustrated with me sometimes because of it. So, I move the furniture around. I go to thrift stores and find something I like and bring it home. I clean out a closet or a room and downsize my stuff. That settles me for a little while. I get tired of same old, same old. I relish change. I relish the new.
We have purchased houses and remodeled them and turned around and sold them. We have built our own house (which was our favorite place). Each time, we moved - it was for a lifestyle change. We either went on the mission field or went into ministry with the church or moved from the city to the country or finished remodeling and needed another project.
In 2004, we moved back here after 3 years of being in India. We moved to this house because we wanted to be in town - we were used to being in a city of 15 million people and couldn't see us being in the country, it felt too isolating. Plus in this neighborhood - were close friends. We walked into this house and immediately fell in love. It has an open stairway and all the woodwork is the original and it's beautiful. It has a brick fireplace. It even has a window seat in the dining room. It has lots and lots of character, being a house built in the late 1800's.
The changes that we have gone through in this house have been changes beyond our control. Changes in our family - girls growing up, getting married and moving away, grandchildren, Steve and I getting older. We have gone through some intense life disappointments in this house - most of them beyond our control. We have gone through a metamorphosis in our marriage - empty nesting is no laughing matter - it's painful. We've had many losses in this house - loss of a family dog - loss of church family - loss of what was and is no more in family situations and other relational situations.
These life changes that are beyond my control are very difficult for me. I grieve deeply. I feel deeply. I love deeply and when changes occur in my relationships - it affects me deeply. The last 5 years in particular have been joyous and sad - a mixed bag of emotions - from high highs to low lows. In the midst of these life changes - our living situation has not changed. God knew that I would need something stable in my life - even if it was just a house.
Now, once again change is on the near horizon. I feel the same restlessness. The cloud above our head is shifting - it's changing it's form. The wind has shifted it's direction. I am eager for this next horizon. I am eager to see what's around the next bend. My eyes are open and my footsteps are quickening because I am looking forward to the new, the breath of fresh air, the change. I am tired of grieving. I am tired of loss. I am tired of the exhaustion. So ready for the next horizon, the next chapter, the next change.
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