I want to "journal" my time of learning how to just be and NOT so much doing because I struggle with it so much and I know many others do as well. You don't have to read - I'm doing this mainly for me. You can follow along with my journey as you wish. I am not looking for applause or criticisms. If you wish to comment I highly approve. I hope that the Life of Jesus that flows through my processing will also encourage and inspire anyone else as you may relate to the struggle or joys or triumphs.
I have a lot of frustration that I have been struggling with getting past. Usually I quickly get irritated, frustrated and angry but it usually is for a moment and then I'm done and ready to move on. I call it a "flash in the pan" kind of irritation. But I have been dealing with a high level of frustration since the beginning of this year and it has been building until I am plain and simple angry. I will NOT give myself or anyone else the satisfaction of giving any details. Because this is my journey and I don't want to malign anyone else's character or reputation.
I have been having small tension headaches the past couple of days and I realize that I'm still carrying the frustration of seeing injustice happen to people that I care about and it really bothers me. I know I need to let it go cuz it really isn't my problem anymore but because I care - it bothers me. I hate seeing someone get away with treating others badly because they don't like them or because these people irritate them or inconvenience them or even because these people confront them. Everything inside of me wants to retaliate in some way but I know I must choose LOVE. I know I must choose forgiveness and I know I have to stop taking on someone else's offences. I must do all I can to be at peace.
A good reminder that I read yesterday was a person of integrity chooses to do the right thing even when no one is watching or noticing. I always strive to be a person of integrity. That's why I hate when people leave shopping carts in the parking lot. I have a difficult time walking by a piece of trash when it shouldn't be there in the first place. I try to always pick it up. I don't say these things to get a pat on the back or any applause. Just reminding myself that choosing to LOVE in the face of injustice is choosing to do the right thing even if it really doesn't make a difference. It does with in me.
So today - the lesson is to choose to LOVE in spite of........doesn't mean to be a doormat. But ultimately God is responsible to bring that person or persons to justice in due time. NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. If I walk in love than that gives God room and space and freedom to move in justice. It also gives my body the rest it needs. When I take on anything more than I'm responsible for then I get headaches, I get digestive problems, I get the churning going on and sleepless nights. I really can't bring justice anyway - it's a fruitless endeavor when it's not within my power to do so.
The sunrises have been touching me in the very depths of my being. Bringing me life and healing and rest. I glory in the awesome creative power of my God and His artistic touches that breath so much life.
So good.
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