A New Union

This afternoon, I was privileged and honored to be in attendance for a small, cozy, laid-back wedding ceremony of 2 people that I have learned to know over the last year. I have been a part of their lives in praying for them, encouraging them, crying with them, and being a friend.

My heart and prayer is that they will continue making choices that help them to succeed in life. I hope that I can continue to be a part of their lives. And I can't wait to see how they allow God to direct their lives as a married couple.

Something New to "Chew" On

I love the Old Testament - I love the old stories - I love reading how God shows up in people's stories - I love reading about heroes of the faith and realizing that they were just as human as I am.

But one story has puzzled me and this time reading it in the Message translation, sheds a bit more light on it but questions still remain.

Leviticus 9-11 - God is telling Moses and Aaron what to do and how to do the different sacrifices and the differences between them. Then Aaron's two sons decided to do some "offerings" of their own and God consumed them with fire. Moses tells Aaron - "this is what God meant when He said, ' to the one who comes near Me, I will show myself Holy; before all the people, I will show my Glory.'"

They were in the presence of a Holy God and offered something different and in a different way than God instructed. I understand that it was paramount in the days of offerings and sacrifices that it was to be done strictly in the manner that God instructed. It seems a bit over the top of a punishment to me but I live and have been raised in the "grace" era.

My question to the Holy Spirit, who loves to teach us by the way, is is there a difference between seeing His Holiness and seeing His Glory. God makes that distinction.....He says to the one who comes near Me....then I believe it meant that those who came into the Holy of Holies to offer those sacrifices (which were a very select few). They had to be of the right family and tribe. And then He showed His Glory to the people - the masses. So is there a difference?  Is there a reality, a responsibility, a deeper level of understanding when we come near to God?  I know He doesn't want to be a standoffish God. I know He wants us to know His Father Heart. Is the way to be near a very distinct, very strict way to go?  Is it a way that not many want to follow?  Is it easier to just be within the masses and see His Glory? Is there not much of a response that is required to just see His Glory?

And if there is all this difference, responsibility, reality - do I really and truly want to come near to Him?  What is the benefits to that? I don't want to be in fear that if I step the wrong way, or say the wrong thing that I will get zapped.

Then I remember that God is a God of Love and He gave His Son to us and through His Son - all the requirements, rules and regulations of the old way of doing things were fulfilled by His Death and Resurrection. He draws us to His Heart with His Loving Kindness. He longs for us to draw near to His Heart so we can hear it beating and how it beats and why it beats. He is no longer behind this curtain that divided the worship center from the holy of holies where His Presence was. His Presence is now in us and among us and we are now the temple of His Presence - so we carry His Presence with us everywhere we walk and everywhere we live.

There is this requirement that "we love Him with all of our hearts, minds and souls AND we love our neighbor as ourselves."  Jesus said that all the law of the prophets is summed up by these commandments. All those sacrifices, all that shedding of blood, all of those requirements, rules and regulations have been taken care of through these 2 commandments.  So take the time to really think this through - ask questions as you think.

There is where I have come out - still love to chew on all these things. God is not afraid of our doubt or questions or confusion at times. But He does NOT want us to stop there - He wants us to ask - that is how we get to His Heart. We do NOT have to fear Him or His Presence. He loves to reveal Himself to us. His glory, His holiness, His presence, His love, His encompassing "Allness".  (that is another one of my words).

Trying New Things=Lots of Laughter

Monday evening - I signed up for something new.........Water Aerobics

Now, I don't know what this conjures up in your mind......but for me - it was heavyset old ladies.  I'm not trying to be offensive but I've been swimming laps at the YMCA before when the water aerobics began and that is what I saw.

So, Monday evening - I get there and I get into my swimsuit and swim cap (cuz after all, I don't want the blue in my hair to go away from the chemicals in the pool).  I was watching the "older" people come in and as I walked to an open space in the pool and jumped into the water - I suddenly had a reality check.  I was one of these heavyset old ladies!

The other reality check was that the pool is 4ft deep and with me being 5ft - the water was already up to my chin.....so keep this in mind as I continue my story.  By this time Steve was laughing so hard.

We began by walking and then "jogging" around the pool (in the water, of course).  That was fun but if you can imagine the amount of current that 10 heavyset old ladies get going in this pool. Then the instructor tells us to change directions and go against the current. OH MY GOSH!!!!!  I couldn't move. It was like I was stuck in jello. Then she's telling us to get back to our spots and I'm on the opposite side of the pool - trying to get back to my spot as I'm trying to walk/jog/jump/swim against this incredible whirlpool that we've created.  Finally I give up and go back to being in the current and finally get back to my spot.

Now, you're remembering that the water is already up to my chin - and that's me standing flat footed. So now we're doing these jumping jacks - holy cow!!!!  the amount of water being churned up by this point is moving me all over the place. I feel like one of those buoys out in the middle of the water. And we're supposed to now be jumping in some kind of a "box pattern" to get other muscles involved. Finally I ask the instructor if we're supposed to be coordinated cuz I for sure am not getting it down. One of the ladies next to me said, "just jump, that's what i do, as long as you just jump."

By this time, I'm just dying laughing in the pool and I'm very glad that I have my swim cap on cuz basically I'm having a difficult time keeping my head above water. Now she's asking us to squat and then jump.  WOW!!!!  tidal wave and if I squat - I actually disappear under the water - so then I'm jumping up.  In these split seconds - I'm laughing so hard cuz I know it's gotta look really really comical.

Now we're having to do these "coordinated" jumps and steps across the pool in lanes and I have these 2 kinda grumpy ladies beside me that I keep bumping into because the waves are pushing me around. I decided that I'm having a good time and that I should just be called "Bob".

Steve and I are still sitting at the dinner table in our little local pub and we're laughing so hard that we're about falling off our chairs. Steve said that he wants to come and stand outside the window and take a video and then sign up for facebook and put it on there. I told him - I have no shame and I would put up the video myself.  OH MY GOSH!!!!

I'm going back tonight!!!!  Laughter is such good exercise for body and soul!!!

Lake Michigan - beauty underneath

Hopefully my little video will play for you. it's not much but it will reveal a view of Lake Michigan with spring-like temperatures in February. i also use a word that is not really a word.....stillest.....have you ever used that word?  i have my own vocabulary - sometimes you get it and sometimes nobody does. :/

Steve and I decided to get out in the sunshine and the warmth and take a drive up to St Joe, Michigan to Silver Beach. i was excited to see Lake Michigan. it is a lake that fascinates me.  it is so large - it is actually a little over 300 miles of lake. it is vast. but it's freshwater. every time i see it there is many things happening with ships and boats and fish and birds and lots of waves. today it was the calmest i have ever seen the lake. right up by the shore there was still a layer of icy - not solid but more like icy slush. there was a cold beauty to it. as i bent over and really looked - i saw some life underneath the ice and cold cold water. i was reminded again how we can never judge the state of someone's heart from the outside appearance. even if it appears to be cold and icy - there is still life happening. as you can see in this photo - the ice has formed patterns from the life that exists underneath. it was a fragile ice and shattered quite easily. God has His Hand in everything and everyone. He creates life - He creates patterns even in the coldest and severest of circumstances. there is always beauty - sometimes you have to look deep under the ice and they yuck - but there is beauty. love breaks through even the coldest of hearts. sometimes the layer of ice is thin and fragile and it doesn't take much to shatter. but there are times when the layer of ice around someone's heart is very very thick - but the Love of God is greater far than tongue nor pen can ever tell. it goes beyond the highest star and reaches to the lowest hell. o Love of God, how rich and pure. how measureless and strong. it shall forever more endure. His Love is patient. Time has no measurement in His timing. so never give up. God never does.

New Weather?

64^ in the middle of February!  1st bike ride of 2017 in the middle of February.  my thoughts do go to what March, April and May will bring since we have had a very mild winter so far. But for now, i'm enjoying the sun, the warmth, and riding my bike and opening up my windows to air out the house....at least for the next week. =)

wonder if we should move to California not only to be with our daughter and son in law but to be able to ride bikes any time of year and to have more sun and more warmth. =)

A New Way of Speaking?

I AM LOVING THIS SUNSHINE!!!  and the warm temps.

This morning i woke up at 2.30am and then proceeded to toss and turn till around 4.30am and decided it's no use and got up. i began to type my blog and then actually fell asleep at the computer and woke up just in time to jump in the shower and head to work. so now, i'm finally getting back to this post.

i have been reminded the last several weeks about the words that we say. words are very powerful. once we say the words our minds hear it and reinforces many times some beliefs that we have.

we are not stupid. we are not idiots. we are not dumb. we are not ugly. we are not good for nothing. we are not, never going to amount to anything (i know i just did a double negative). whatever it is that we say about ourselves - whenever we hear ourselves say it - it reinforces that belief and that is what we tend to hear above the good things. so when someone gives us a compliment - it's hard to receive or believe it because we've been telling ourselves that we're not worthy of that compliment.

everyone of us hears so many disparaging things throughout our lives. so let's make it a practice to give people smiles and give encouragement and give compliments. instead of just thinking that someone's eyes light up when they smile - tell them. tell them something good. i know i like to hear it. make sure though that you say something genuine. if they have bad hair - don't say things like oh your hair looks good. say things more like i love the color of your hair. i love how it has a mind of it's own.....hahahaha......mine sure does. anyway....i think you get the idea. remember to compliment yourselves as well. say positive things about yourself. if you focus on how clumsy you are - guess what?  you'll be even more clumsy.  some of the things that we say or do are dumb but we are not dumb.  never tell children they are stupid or that they're not good for anything. God created all of us in His image and if we say things against ourselves or someone else.....we're saying it about His creation and He doesn't like that.

so enjoy the weekend. it's supposed to be sunny and warm...er.
be blessed and remember that God makes ALL things good - even you!!!!

Old Truth - New Perspective?

the last several days - i have been reading the Bible in the Message translation and i'm in the book of Acts. i have read these stories time and time again and every time i am amazed at how the number of believers grew exponentially (i think that's the word i want) (sometimes i use words too big for my intellect).  anyway......the disciples of Jesus had just witnessed His death and resurrection and then spent time with Him after the resurrection. they had just received the Holy Spirit and realized the power of life that He brings. but as i'm reading - i'm realizing that they kept things pretty basic and simple. not a lot of expectation in how to act, dress, behave, etc.

at one point there were some religious people that began to say that those who are not of the Jewish faith need to be adhering to the rules and regulations of the Jewish faith in order to be part of Jesus. it became somewhat of an argument between all the leaders.

how so much like us in these days - i have this need to have things controlled and defined and so i begin to put boxes and expectations on those who are not of my faith and culture and expect them to act, believe and maybe even dress like me.

the only 2 commandments that Jesus requires of us "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind AND to love your neighbor as yourself".  He said that the all the law and the prophets are summed up in these 2 commandments.  i believe and this is my opinion only - that anything else that we feel is required is just that.....our opinion.

Paul was asking the religious people "God is beginning at the very center of who they were and working from that center outward, cleaning up their lives as they trusted and believed Him. so why are we now trying to out-god God, loading these new believers down with rules that crushed our ancestors and crushed us too? don't we believe that we are saved because the Master Jesus amazingly and out of sheer generosity moved to save us just as He did those from beyond our nation?" Acts 13-15

Jesus takes us just as we are - messed up, broken, bad habits, etc.  as we learn to trust Him more and more - we change. we can NOT judge what we see on the outside of someone - we have no idea how God is working in their hearts. sometimes change take lots of time to be seen.

anyway.....

A Dear Friend - An Old Book - Starting Something New

Martha Steury is a very dear, dear friend of mine. this was taken, I believe one year ago at her 84th birthday. I met her through my work at The Window. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders. She has always said that I have come to The Window "for such a time as this". She prays for me, encourages me and is my precious friend. I love her to pieces.

For the past several months she has been battling an infection in her knee, which has kept her from coming to The Window and she has become wheelchair bound and has much difficulty in even walking. She is waiting for a surgeon to schedule the surgery that she needs to have. She has been spending a lot of time waiting for "due process" to happen. She is not a very patient woman, but continues to grow in strength, joy and character. She is always talking to the Lord about everyone and everything.

I have been trying to visit with her one day a week - which is a real highlight for me. Today, I just returned home from my visit with her. We used to do Bible Study together once a week with other ladies too but since she's been laid up, we've been mainly talking and visiting. Today we started something new.

We began reading together (or I'm reading and she's listening) hahaha.  The book "Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. A very old but classic book. It was written in 1955 and has been my all time favorite book. I have read the book to my daughters and have read it many times over the years. I also highly recommend to everyone.  It is an allegory - so a very easy story type read but has so much truth in it - that I can read it over and over again and each time I read it - it speaks differently to me because I'm at a different place in life.  As I began to read the first chapter - I was once again overcome with emotion as I read about how the twisted mouth relaxed into a happy curve and the shining eyes and pink cheeks made plain, disformed Much-Afraid almost beautiful. She was so afraid to accept the "flower of Love" seed because it was a thorn but the Shepherd told her that "Love and pain must go together for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too."

I just love the transformation that happens when Love enters the picture, the life, the circumstances, the experience, whatever it is - LOVE BRINGS TRANSFORMATION.

New Life in the Kitchen

My Something New Today.......these 3 kitchen staff of mine have rocked my world, rocked my socks off, rocked me into a corner, turned me upside down......yes these 3......i love them to the moon and back.

Today i came back after my 2 week vacation, which by the way.....the whole time i was gone - i did NOT worry or have any concerns of them holding down the fort or doing what needed to be done. there were even several days where i did not think of this place at all (which is something entirely NEW to me).  i was expecting to walk back into the kitchen this morning and have to reorganize or put things back into place (cuz i am a tad bit OCD).

You see.....we work at The Window, Inc which is a local food pantry/soup kitchen in Goshen, IN.  i am the Kitchen Administrator. i have been there for 3 and 3/4 years and in that time i have never taken a 2 week vacation cuz i couldn't do it. maybe a week - at the most and i can remember not even wanting to go on vacation for the catching up that i would have to do once i got back or worry so much about what was going on while i was supposed to be on vacation - even to the point of making phone calls to check in. but not once this vacation did i have to do any of that. i could relax and be with my family. i have a wonderful, stable and supportive team that has my back.  i love it!!!!!!  i came back refreshed and actually wondering if i needed to come back......after all, do they really need me?  😎

THAT IS SOMETHING NEW FOR ME TODAY!!!!

Old Friends - New Encouragement, New Insights, New Perspectives

Shoot, Shoot, Shoot!!!!  i didn't think about it until just now when i sat down to blog about something new today - i should have taken a picture.........

i have this friend - she's one of a kind - she has known me since we were young teenagers. we became acquainted when the both of us worked at a local restaurant way back in the day. we used to hang out all the time and used to get into all kinds of trouble. then somewhere along the line - we lost touch with each other. one of us quit that job (i don't remember who quit first). we seem to march to the rhythm of the same drum (which seems to be usually different from everyone else). we come from the same culture, from the same type of life experiences.

over the years - there would be these moments of re-acquaintance and then long long long pauses of losing touch again.

we now live in the same state but still not in the same area and we don't see each other very often. we stay connected on facebook - which has been fun.

this afternoon i received a text from her stating that she was in my neck of the woods and would i want to meet her somewhere. i dropped what i was doing (which wasn't much) and told my husband where i was going.

we spent 3 1/2 hours of talking, eating and drinking.

it's always good to have at least one person with whom you can pretty much say it all and not worry about being judged for what i say or how i say it. that's who we are to each other.

God knew we both needed to have a NEW reacquainting moment in our space and time.

Thank you so very much for letting me know you were so close and for wanting to be with me. Velda Miller - i think i can safely say that you are my soul mate. Thank you for being my SOMETHING NEW for today!  you make me smile all the way down to my toes.

God bless you my friend - and remember that every step you take is blessed of God!

Cracked, Broken and Filled with Gold

this family!!!!  such an amalgamation of personalities, flaws, cracks, scars, life circumstances and cultures. we have Dutch, Amish/Mennonite, Scottish/Irish, Porta Rican/Black. and yet somehow we call ourselves family. we are stubborn, opinionated, loud, brash, slow to listen, quick to speak our minds and yet there is love.......

in the midst of this family life - i am always in conflict within my mind and emotions. my daughters have grown up and are doing life and family on their own. i constantly struggle with wanting to be involved and yet knowing that my involvement is not hands on anymore. i struggle with wondering if they think of us often and if so, why do they not call or text? i raised my girls to be independent from me and yet somehow i struggle with the fact that they don't need me like they used to. which is the way it's supposed to be and i'm so glad that they are confident in themselves and their lives apart from the parents. and yet........i still miss the needing. they somehow have seemed to become smarter than us now and not so sure about wiser, cuz doesn't that come with age? ;)  i struggle with feeling like the "family idiot" at times. they laugh at me a lot and the things that i say, they roll their eyes at me many times. sometimes i feel that they have this need to prove me wrong. and all of this - i wish i would not take personally and most days i don't - but there are a few days where it kinda hits me in the sensitive spots. i know they love me. i know they love to be with me. but why oh why, after so many years of being family - do i struggle with these insecurities?

i type these things to not garner pity or ask for your flattery but i know many feel this way and i'm just putting a voice to the feelings. and i love to keep things real. i don't like masks. i don't like pretenses. i don't like playing emotional games.

i look in the mirror and see all the bags and sags and the belly bulge and the thunder thighs and the badonkadonk and struggle with feeling beautiful. and i also see the insecurities staring back at me. i thought that with getting older - i would be more confident, more sure of myself, more ready to take on the world by storm. maybe this is how the emotions work during the menopausal phase of life. i really don't know - i feel like i'm a limp reed blowing in the wind with no backbone anymore. i don't want to exercise, i don't want to work, i don't want to do what it takes to get involved.

i do know that Jeremiah the prophet felt the same way so many times....maybe not with the bags and sags but with his insecurities and questions and lack of confidence. while on vacation the past 2 weeks - i have read the book "Run With The Horses" by Eugene Peterson (the guy who translated the Message).  it is an expose on Jeremiah - very in depth, very thought provoking, very inspiring.
Jeremiah 12:5 - "So, Jeremiah, if you're worn out in this footrace with men, what makes you think you can race against horses? and if you can't keep your wits during times of calm, what's going to happen when troubles break loose like the Jordan in flood?"  A question that he wrestled with God through much of his life. Great book to read.

i know that i have many flaws and cracks but as in the Japanese culture - they fill flawed and cracked vessels with gold so the vessels become even more valuable - so it is with God. the scars are there but they make me even more beautiful to behold. i love my scars because they are reminders of the restoration miracles that God has done in my life and of His immense love for me. and He infuses my cracks and flaws with breath from His very being and i can run with the horses. i can jump over walls. i can scale mountains.

thanks for reading my musings.

Family Vacation

I am trying something new. I realize that I have lots of thoughts and ideas and revelations and dreams that I wish to have a platform to share. I also have realized that Facebook is not conducive for all my musings because my postings can get quite lengthy. While on vacation, I decided that I would step out of my comfort zone and give this a try.  I also have a very dear friend (Martha Steury) who continually wishes that I would have a larger audience because for some reason she believes that I have a lot of wisdom and insight to share. We shall see how this develops and what comes of it. Maybe I have some wisdom and insight and maybe it's menopausal ramblings. Either way at the very least it could be entertaining. =)

We just returned home from a 9 day family vacation out in Corona, California. We reunited with all of our children out there in a house that we had rented. My youngest daughter and her little family live in The Netherlands and came to Indiana first off in order to fly out to Cali with us. Our handsome, entertaining, lively 2 1/2 year old grandson decided that he would try to take on the adults by bringing a flu bug with him. In 2 weeks time, he brought 8 adults to their knees (some more literally than others).  By the 7th day, we were all able to venture out to the beach ALL together. The first excursion where every single family members was able to go out. We had a great day with sun, warmth, sand and water and being together. The next day, we all headed out to breakfast and then sent our Netherlands family on their way.  Later that night, we said goodbye to our California daughter and her husband and then early the next morning, Steve and I and our eldest daughter and her husband (who live in Niles, MI) set off to the airport.

I guess the family that gets sick together - stays together......or maybe that's not how it really works but it does bring out the love and the patience and going with the flow and learning once again how the best made plans don't always work out. All in all - we had a great 9 days together. I had a refreshing and awesome 2 weeks off work.

Signing off for this  blog.