Steve and I have talked about downsizing for quite some time but it was all just talk until we took the plunge and had a realtor come out and give us an honest assessment. Once we realized that we could get at least money enough for a down payment - the wheels began turning and then it began to run downhill so fast - we were both trying hard to keep up with it. So we decided to slow things down and take our time with this life transition. This is an emotionally charged move as I talked about in my last blog. So I am emotionally drained just with this but slowing things down has helped me to relax and I really want to enjoy this process. I want to have the time to look through my things and remember.
The other satisfied exhaustion is my job. It truly has me exhausted all the time but my heart and soul is at peace, satisfied and at rest. I love each person that comes into my dining room whether it's for a cup of coffee and a doughnut or coming in for lunch or sometimes they just come in to grab a "cup to go". Most every person I know by name and have had numerous conversations with. Many of them have blessed my heart in so many ways. They help taking out the trash, wiping down the tables, putting the chairs up, wrapping silverware, sweeping, mopping, washing dishes. Some of them have helped serve in the lunch line. Some have helped to prep the food or clean my shelves or walls. Some of them don't do anything except brighten up my day with their smiles, "thank yous", jokes, dancing, singing and some don't do anything except sit there and partake of what is set before them.
Each person is filled with destiny, purpose, design, individuality and a piece of the Image of God. They have value as they take their place in the universe. Some of them struggle with addictions; many struggle with emotional, mental and social disorders. Many struggle with their identity and knowing that they have destiny, purpose, design, value and LOVE. A number of them come because they're so very lonely and have found a "family" in my dining room. And there are some that come because the food is so astoundingly good!
They are my heroes. Yep, I have seen so many of them struggle to make it through to the next day and yet they do. I have seen some of them conquer their addictions and take one day at a time as they succeed each day. One gal, has just celebrated 180 days sober and clean!!! That is an awesome accomplishment. She wants her daughters to be proud of her and she wants them back in her life. She is now helping me in the kitchen one day a week. One older gentleman struggles with deep depression. He has given me permission to ask him every day that I see him "what is one thing you're thankful for today". Now, his list is a whole list of things. There is a light in his eyes and a spring in his step. He engages with people at the table instead of going into the corner and eating with his head down. I have one gal right now that is struggling with anxiety about leaving her home and being around people. She really wants to get out so she is taking one step at a time and helping in the kitchen for 1-2 hrs a week. I know of people living out in tents during the cold winter months - I know I couldn't do it yet they do and still are able to have a smile on their faces. Yes, these heroes of mine most days put me to shame as I realize the things that I complain about are things that are luxuries for them.
I end my days with tired, sore feet and a stiff neck and a sore back - I come home grab a cup of coffee, sit down at my computer in the comfort of my warm cozy home and relax. Most evenings, I have my feet up in my recliner as I watch tv or read. And then I lay down to sleep in a cozy bed. Most of them don't have these things. They sleep on someone else's sofa or a blanket on the floor - if they're lucky to find a good person that lets them inside. Some have no chairs so they sit on the floor - some don't have dishes to cook with or to eat with. And the list goes on. Yet, they continue to strive to make it each and every day. Yes, a few of them are lazy and just don't want to get a job. Some really don't have it within them mentally, emotionally or socially to hold down a regular job. Some have truly fallen on hard times for one reason or another and struggle to get back up again.
Each and everyone of us makes mistakes and bad choices and sometimes the consequences of those bad choices send us on down a road we never intended to take. We all have bad days. Many of us are living paycheck to paycheck and if something catastrophic would happen - could lose everything. I know my heart and my intent is to love without judgement. "But for the Grace of God, go I". It is not our responsibility to judge. It is however, our responsibility to love first God with ALL of our hearts, souls and minds AND to love our neighbor as ourselves. That's it!!!!! I am continuing to learn that life is more fun, more simple, less complicated - if I leave the judging to God and just concentrate on loving. Love is action, Love is firm, Love is a force to be reckoned with. Love will put out fires, Love will conquer hate and violence. Love is the strongest force in the universe.
Ok I'm done! I could go on but I didn't realize this was getting so long. If you're in the Elkhart/Goshen area - come and see me at The Window and see what God is doing and how He is loving people. There's always a God story there!
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