On May 9th - it will have been 2 months of struggling with this company regarding the bogus, crappy, not working convection oven for my kitchen at The Window. I have never been quite this angry for this long. Usually I get irritated and it's like a flash of water in a pan of hot oil and then it's over and I move on. But this has been something that has been seething within me. I keep trying to let it go and yet every time I think of the injustice of it all and the fact that I really really want to make them pay. They have yet to refund us any money. They do not answer our emails or phone calls. It isn't enough money to even hire a lawyer/attorney to bring a lawsuit against them. It would end up costing more in court costs than it was to purchase the oven. But that is all beside the point. It's the principle of the matter and I'm having a hard time of truly letting go of it all. It really is out of my hands at this point. This company is not local - so I can't just go in there and give them a piece of mind or burn down their building or go and run my key through all of their brand new pieces of equipment. Yep, I'm not a violent person - but this has brought out the worst in me and it humbles me and embarrasses me to know that I have this darker side within me. But I know that I am human and sadly I have been encouraging this part of me for almost 2 months.
This past weekend was a very emotional one for me. Saturday, I cried off and on almost the entire day unless I was napping. I was overwhelmed and tired of the fight that I was not winning. I hate to not win especially if I feel I'm being taken advantage of or being treated in an unjust way. My poor husband sat and listened to me as I ranted and cried and threw my temper tantrum. Everything that day was like putting a cherry on the sundae - except it wasn't pretty nor did it taste good. That was Saturday. I went to bed early and slept good and when I woke up I was over the raging but still seethed inside. After lunch, I went out in my backyard and fell asleep to the sound of the birds and the water trickling. Steve and I went on a walk and as I blogged about that - it was refreshing down to the very depths of my soul. Very healing. I have been processing all of that since then and the thing that I am learning all over again - is that God ALWAYS has my back. He has never let me down. He is my Vindicator. He is the Judge - not me. He loves these people the same as He loves me - which kind of unsettles me because they're SO mean. I have learned this lesson several times throughout my journey in life and I know that I can always rest in the confidence that no matter what happens or who comes against me. GOD IS FOR ME!!!! ALWAYS!!!!
Slowly I'm letting go - it still rankles me when I think about it or someone brings it up. But the past 3 days - every time it does come up - I immediately think of something that I'm thankful for and I AM THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL - so very grateful that God is for me. He is for The Window. He is for my kitchen.
Sunday evening - we received news that someone was donating an large amount for the new oven that is coming this week (I think). Then Monday - another donor who said he would pay up to a certain amount for any donations that came in for the oven - gave us $500. So now we are $700 away from the money that we paid for the crappy oven AND we're getting an even better one!!!!
See??? Already God has met me where I was at and as soon as I began to let go, forgive just a little and relax - immediately He confirmed all of the above! That He is ALWAYS FOR US!!!! HE ALWAYS HAS OUR BACKS!!! Even when it looks and feels like all hell is breaking loose around us - He's got us. And I need to continually be at rest in that and not try to get vengeance or retaliate.
Now, I can either beat myself for not remembering that lesson, for getting myself so in a tizzy that I could barely sleep or relax or even function OR I can forgive myself, forgive them and move on. Let God deal with them. They will have their justice and it really doesn't have to come from me. God's justice is harder than anything I could ever do to them. But I'm not wanting vengeance....ok...still working on that one......Thank You Lord for your patience with me. Thank You for Your Grace and Your Mercy that carries me and gives me the strength to extend that to others.
Once again.......lesson learned? I sure do hope so.
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