Motherhood - Daughters

My heart is so full and content when I think of my girls. When I was a little girl - all I wanted to do was be a mom.  But that was what was expected of me and I just thought that's what every girl does - get married and raise a family.

Little did I realize how selfish I really was. I had a fairly good notion that I was - but not until I had children did all that selfishness rise to the surface. They stole my sleep. They stole my hot food. They stole my smokin' hot body (well, i never really had that - i am rather short and squatty). They stole my movie watching time. They stole all the time I had to myself. They stole my bathroom alone time. They stole what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And most of all THEY STOLE MY HEART!!

I am also a very impatient woman. I want it done my way. I want it done like yesterday. When I want to do something - I want to do it NOW!  Doesn't sound like I make a very mom and there were quite a few days when I'd agree with you.

As I look back down memory lane - especially with downsizing and going through a lot of things I've collected over the years that my girls made me or gave me or have attached memories of them on those things; I realize that those times when I felt like an utterly complete failure as a mom - I think of all the joy that they have brought to my life instead.

My failures diminish quickly when I look at my beautiful girls. They are beautiful inside and out. They love life. They take life by storm. They don't allow life to pass them by. They have been uprooted from the comforts of their home to live in India for 3 years with us. They've all been on mission trips after completing high school. They've all been through bad boyfriends and now have amazing husbands. They've been through friendship betrayals. They've watched their parents go through many disappointments and struggles. They have learned life lessons that go beyond what their parents have taught them. They challenge their father and I with their life experiences and choices and their belief systems that have changed because of all the stuff that has come through in their generation. They are kind to people. They are respectful to others. I have many people tell me that I have incredibly kind girls. The reality is that they like being with us. They like having us around. They like us being part of their lives. They like having conversations with us about the deep things of life. They like to laugh with us and at us. So we must have done a few things right.

Life is good - family life continues to morph with each new season that comes along. I continue to try and keep up emotionally and mentally. For someone who struggled with feeling that I was not good at motherhood - they turned out really well in spite of me. =)

I am so freakin' proud of them. My heart swells when I think of them. Tears fall when the reality hits me that they are not with me much anymore. Most days are better. Some days memories steal down my face and I am learning to be ok with that. I am learning to lean into the emotion and the sadness. I am learning to take every moment of joy that I have in my memories and the few times that we have being physically with them. Also learning to enjoy the internet moments as well. Facetime, What'sapp, Skype are technologies that have been saving my life during this time.