While I'm Waiting

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/627-Laurel-St_Elkhart_IN_46514_M39753-82093

Yep....this beautiful home has been on the market for 1 week. We have another showing this afternoon.

So....while I continue to wait to move on with life - I have dreams. I dream of what could happen. I dream of what might happen. I have dreams of what will happen if the could be's and the might be's happen.........oh my aching head........

Today, it's all about cleaning the house. It's about taking some of our furniture to our daughter Hannah - another stage to emptying our home.

It's all a bit sad and yet exciting for the next season.  Not sure what it all holds but I'm so ready to get on with it.

So very tired of hanging in limbo. I have no control of when our house will sell. We have put an offer on another house that's contingent on selling this one. So......I'm ready - more than ready to get on with it. Decisions hang in the balance until we are through with this upheaval in our lives. So let's get on with it.

Meanwhile, I think of today......Today is my youngest daughter, Carmen's birthday.

Today is also the day that we remember......those who have given their lives for us to live freely, to move, to dream and to pass values onto the next generation. I have several family members that have served in the armed forces. I am in awe of those who would stand in the gap for the masses of people who in this day and age - have no respect for our nation or for those who defend it.

I am also in awe of The One Man and God Jesus that gave His life freely to those who ridiculed Him, disbelieved Him, who continue to turn their backs on Him.

My heart is full of gratitude and humility and deep respect. Thank you to all of you who laid down your lives so that we might live in a free nation. And my deepest heart cry "Thank You" to the One who continually lays His life down to keep us free from the chains that keep us from living life abundantly.

All of this in another day of waiting..........thank you for waiting with me.

Beauty In the Waiting

So here we are still waiting........

I have found snippets of beauty through out my day today. One was that my daughter Hannah was there to help us in the kitchen today. I love when she comes. She knows what I want done and how I want it done.  I don't have to explain much at all - she just gets it. But then again - she's had a lot of years under her mother's tutelage in the kitchen.

Today also, I had the honor of actually being in the serving line - serving my friends.  I love to greet them by name and make eye contact with them. I don't so much love the cooking. I've never really liked cooking. I'm good at it because I had a very good teacher as well growing up. But cooking not my first love. I do however love to make people feel good about themselves. Give them a reason to keep going. Create an environment of dignity, respect and love is what I love to do.  I love to interact and be involved in people's lives.

One of those friends of mine - a little over a year ago had been hit by a car as he was walking and pretty much messed him up. I can't remember all that had happened to him. While he was mending from that - he lost his job. Then he just got to the point where he could go back to work - when he had a hernia that exploded. I know that's not the medical or technical term for it but it messed his innards up and he had surgery and then he lost his job again and lost his medical insurance. Basically he almost lost his life again. He just never gave up. Even when he was on crutches and could barely walk - he would make his way to the doctor or the hospital even when he didn't have a ride.  He just kept on going and going. He never gave up. He never quit. Today he came in for lunch and he was healthy and whole and ready to go get his job back. He was smiling and joking and I had the chance to tell him how I appreciated his "never give up attitude". He said that God must still need him around. It was a joy to chat a little with him.

Another little beauty was sharing some God stories with another coworker.  We were able to encourage each other that He was in everything that we do there and that He has our backs because we touch His heart with every life that we serve on a daily basis.  

Today as I looked over the dining room - my heart was touched by the conversation flowing as people sat and interacted with each other over a plate of good, wholesome and healthy food.  I even watched as one young man became agitated and as I stepped over to intervene, a couple of other people actually talked him down calmly and lovingly.  I was like "yeah God, is this what happens to your heart when You watch us be like You?"  My heart was filled to overflowing.

The climax of the day was driving Hannah over to look at a house that we put an offer on - she said "Mom, it was a joy to watch you in the serving line. How you called everyone by their name. How you knew what each one would want on their plate and yet you asked them to make sure. How you touched them with your kindness. You belong there, in that kind of work. They love you and respect you there."

I don't know most days how everything gets done but I do know one thing - I do what God asks of me. Nothing more and nothing less. And I do know there are seasons in all of our lives. I will do and go and be whatever it is that He asks me to do, go and be. Because in that, I know is the best place to be.

Here I am still waiting......still waiting for our house to sell ( i know, i'm impatient). still waiting to get on with whatever comes next.....whatever that is. still waiting to see a new season of my life unfold.....whatever that means.  And yes, while waiting, I continue to be and do and go with the here and the now.  And be open to see and hear who's life He wants to touch through mine.

The Waiting Game

Here we are just waiting.....waiting for our offer to be accepted or rejected.....waiting for our house to sell......waiting for our lives to move on.

I am not a patient person. Once I know that change is inevitable, I want the show to get going.  I am still learning at 54 years of age that there is beauty in waiting. I just don't do it very well.  So....I keep looking for the beauty every day. Sometimes I avoid the waiting by getting involved in mind numbing activity. I know there is not really any beauty in that except for putting off the waiting.

Anyway.....you'll know when I do of any movement. But until then, I will wait and try so very hard to be patient in that waiting. I will try so very hard to find the beauty in the waiting moments.

I do know several pieces of beauty and that is I'm enjoying immensely my flowers that are bursting full of life and vitality. Such as I've not seen them before. Maybe it's their way of telling me goodbye and thank you for the love and care.  I am also enjoying the many different nooks and crannies of my home that I will be saying goodbye to.  So many days I just lived life here and didn't appreciate the character and the beauty and the uniqueness of my home.  So there....I have found beauty and I didn't mind the waiting for a few moments.

Thank you for waiting with me.........

Finishing This Chapter

Our house is officially on the market.  I am packing up all the things that we don't use on a daily basis. I think our house will sell pretty quickly and I hate to be rushed, so I'm getting a head start. We begin looking at houses seriously this afternoon.

These are some photos of new growth and life happening in this place that we called home since 2004. It has been the longest place we've stayed in one place. I hate to leave all the memories and all the love that Steve and I put into our landscaping and backyard, which is a peaceful, resting place. The landscaping is just now coming into it's fullness. But I'm ready for what's next.

My Grateful Game

I guess you could call me a "pollyanna" because years ago when I began having children, God began to show me how ungrateful and selfish I was. I did not like being around whiny and grumbly type people and I was astonished how much I had become the very thing that I disliked immensely. And I did NOT like whinny children. Not sure how I became so whinny 'cuz my mother never allowed us to get away with whining. And I wanted to make sure that I did NOT have whiny children. I began playing the grateful game. Every time I or my girls complained about something we had to come up with 5 things that we're grateful for. I still do NOT like being around whiny people and I refuse to be one of them.

The last few weeks,  much to my chagrin, I fear that I have begun to complain and whine a lot. So today, I am determined to only talk about things that I'm grateful for.

So here goes:  I am grateful that I get to be involved in people's lives. I am grateful that I get to see them transform and that they come to see me to tell me how their lives have turned around.  I am grateful for my little Miss Treva that is so happy where she is living. I went to see her today and she had the biggest smile. She looks so happy and well. I am very grateful that she is in a safe place and doing so well.  I am grateful that one of the people that I serve, when she lost her mother on Mother's Day, she came right away to see me Monday morning for a hug and to give me the details. I went to love on her today at her mother's viewing. I am grateful for the older gentleman that comes to fellowship almost every day and how he helps me by washing the dishes or sweeping and mopping the floors. Today, as we cleaned up, we were able to encourage each other with the growth we've seen in each other's lives.  I am grateful for the man who wanted to show me a photo of his grandson because he told me that he heard I like to hear everyone's story. I love that people want to share their story with me.  I love that yesterday I was able to meet 2 people who are just beginning the process of transforming themselves from one gender to the other. I was able to share my exposure to the process of a transgender through a friend of the family. One of them came back today and I do believe that she/he feels the acceptance and love no matter what is happening in their lives. I am so grateful for the many people that I am honored and privileged to share life with. I am grateful for the many people that come through my day and bring laughter. I am so very grateful that they love me (at least they say they do).

Those are just a few things I am grateful for. Once I begin the game, it is hard to stop because I keep thinking of more and more. I challenge each of you to do the same. You will be amazed at the change in perspective and attitude. The sun comes out - even though the circumstances may not have changed - even the dreariest of days begin to look a little brighter.

Water Aerobics on Steroids

Since you all enjoyed my previous blog about my first experience with water aerobics, I thought you might enjoy an update......hopefully you will get another good laugh at my expense......:D

This evening - we had 25 adults in this small pool. I asked my instructor during class the size of the pool and she said maybe 25 meters maybe 50 meters....anyway....I don't know what an Olympic size pool is or a high school pool or even a backyard pool. In any case - it's really small when there's 25 adults.

By the time we all made 2-3 laps around in our warm up walking, a strong current was already being created. I was trying to not get on the outside for fear of getting caught in the corners AND I was certainly trying to not get into the center of the pool for fear it would be like the Bermuda Triangle in there - I just might never come back out. So trying to stay in the main stream of everyone - there was a constant concern of being trampled over because by this time the current was so strong, I was getting carried away by it. My feet were literally coming up off the bottom as I was trying to stay afloat plus keep my feet on the bottom in order to walk, run, skip, gallop.

THEN I HEARD THOSE DREADED WORDS-------------TURN AROUND AND GO THE OTHER DIRECTION.

Every time I tried to take a step - I was literally being carried backwards.  In other times and places and events - I would be more than happy to just let go and float away BUT I'm trying to exercise here. Floating away is not really an option. But despite my best efforts I made it back to my spot by going backwards - it was just not happening. All the flailing and kicking I was trying to do was just hurting everyone else, so I decided it was better to give up and float back to my spot.

Before you judge me or think too harsh of my lack of exercise - you should come try it - I double dog dare you.  It is a good work out - every time I move an appendage - I work all my core muscles just to stay in one spot.

The dumbbell exercise are the ones that make me laugh the most. Every single time I put those weights down into the water - my feet come up off the bottom of the pool. Tonight because there were so many people - it created lots of waves and if my feet come up - I tend to get tossed around. So there I am trying to hold my own with weight in my hands and trying to get myself right side up. But most of the time I'm like a weeble wobble......bobbing around from side to side just like a buoy being shifted by the waves. And then I find myself bumping into people or end up out in the middle of the pool because when my feet come up - I travel.  Yep, I'm getting pretty neighborly with all those folks.....downright neighborly.  hahahaha

Tonight we did a lot of leg exercise by holding ourselves up on the ledge. Wasn't supposed to let the booty hit the wall or sit on the ledge but trying to hold the legs straight out and up was difficult to say the least. I am getting better - my feet didn't sink to the bottom once this time. Maybe my core is getting stronger..........

So all that to say - if you live in the area and want a good work out PLUS  a good ole belly laugh - come and join me.

A New Year

This past week - I celebrated another year of life. Tuesday, Hannah and Randell and Steve took me out for a birthday dinner at Fat Cam's in Edwardsburg, MI.  If you've never been there and you like Cajun' food....it is the place to go. We've been there several times and we're never disappointed.

Wednesday, Steve and I celebrated at our local neighborhood Pub and Grill - Cappy's.  They also always have good food.

Thursday, my sisters and nieces and Hannah came to surprise me and bring me Thai food and then we went out for cake and ice cream.

Friday, we stayed home and ate egg salad sandwiches

Saturday morning, Steve took me, his mom and sister out for breakfast for Mother's Day at the Essenhause and then we came home and worked on some out side projects on the house. My dear friend Karoline took me out for lunch for my birthday.

Then Steve and I went to look at a house on Shipshewana Lake that I really got my hopes up about and was sorely disappointed. Then we went out for dinner with some friends last night in Heston, IN.

That has been my birthday week.

This year is starting out with a lot of change and unknowns. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed with all them and trying to see it all as a grand adventure. If I knew more of what the unknowns are - I could relax a little but so much is up in the air and it leaves me a little breathless.

These are my birthday flowers from my sisters and nieces and daughter. =)

A Weekend Home

This past weekend, Hannah and I took about an 8 hour road trip to visit my mom in Northern Wisconsin. I love road trips and so does Hannah. There was a lot of time to reflect and get refreshed and be pampered by my mother. I was also able to spend some quality time with one of my aunts and a cousin and his wife. He took me on a 4 wheeler ride around the small resort town of Stone Lake. I lived there for about the first 10 years of my life and I have fond memories of that beautiful small town. Sure would love to explore the many possibilities of helping to build up that community.

But until God reveals our next step - we walk in what we know. Continue to get our house ready to sell. After that,  our horizon is the open sky. It's exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time to have an open slate to whatever the next step is. I love exploring all the possibilities and can see benefits to any and all steps. Steve, on the other hand is a calculating risk taker. Thankfully he listens to all my ideas but I think secretly he rolls his eyes, and he keeps on plugging away. I will continue to dream and explore and we'll see where it lands us when all the dust settles.

Staying the Same?

Sometimes, just sometimes and maybe not very often - I would like for life to just stay the same.

I used to feel back when my girls were little - that the days just seemed to stretch on forever and nothing much changed except for them. My life was full of mundane tasks of feeding them, cleaning, doing laundry and cooking and pretty much doing the same things day in and day out. I would think of ways to "spice" up our days.

What I wouldn't give to have those days back again. If I would just be at home - I think maybe I would feel more like that - that the days are just the same. But with my job - nothing EVER remains the same. Just when I think I have it figured out - it changes. Just when I think I can relax a little - it changes. Just when I get to know someone - life changes for them. Just when I think we have a game plan - something happens to sweep that game plan out into the future.

Even in this "empty nesting" season of our family life - it feels like we're spinning out of control. Nothing is the same, nothing will ever be the same as it was. Trying to figure out the new way of being family. Some days I'm ok with it - some days I panic and maybe throw up in my mouth just a little and some days - my eyes leak all day.

I want to enjoy each day - I want to enjoy each moment. Because that day, that moment will never come back again. I want to enjoy the rhythm of life but just when I seem to figure out the rhythm - the beat changes or the whole song changes. I'm not very coordinated - so it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy for me to figure out the steps. Then it changes and I have to do all those mental and emotional calisthenics all over again. It's exhausting.

So I'm once again letting go. Letting go of the need to figure things out. Letting go of the need to have some form of control even when everything is out of control. Letting go of needing to be 10 steps ahead. Seems to be the theme of my life.......LETTING GO!!!

I'm every so grateful for the ONE constant in my life. I'm every so grateful that HE never changes. There are no shifting shadows in HIM. He is my ROCK, my FORTRESS, my SHELTER.  I'm ever so grateful that He holds me in the palm of His Hand so tightly that I'll never fall. I'm ever so grateful for His Unfathomable, All Accepting, Never Judging, Constant Love. HE WILL ALWAYS STAY THE SAME!!!  And yet - His Moves, His Ways, His Heart continue to amaze me even in His sameness.

A Little House Project

This past weekend - Steve and I embarked on a house project that neither of us like to do.......painting. And with an century old house - there is a lot of beautiful trim. The task before us was daunting. Once Steve decides to do something - it happens.  And you can either get on board or sit on the sidelines and watch. I would have loved to sit on the sidelines and watch - really and truly. I was so exhausted and the last thing I wanted to do was move all the furniture and clean and then on top of that....paint.  

He edged the trim and I did the rolling. Several times - he tried to tell me how to do things and I told him - "I know what I'm doing".  If you can't tell by now - I really don't like being told what to do. Saturday - we painted the dining room together.  Sunday - the living room had more windows and doorways and not a whole lot of "rolling type" walls. So I decided I was going to pack up some more of our non essentials while he painted. That went well until I was done packing - so I crept into the "man cave" room and sat down in the chair and actually took a nap.  Then I woke up and felt a little a little guilty. So, I went down and helped him finish up the living room.

This next weekend - we tackle the upstairs bedrooms and landing area. But as "fate" should have it - Hannah and I are going on a road trip to Northern Wisconsin to see my mom. Steve will end up tackling the bedrooms. So much for me helping him paint.....hahahaha  That turned out really well if I do say so myself.

In a week or so, I think we're ready to list the house on the market. If it sells as fast as I see other places sell - we may be living in our camper. There just isn't a lot of houses in our price range that don't require a lot of "work".  We've done our share of remodeling - now it's time to get into something that is move in ready. =)

Not real sure what we want to do when we grow up. We have lots of ideas but most of those ideas involve money and I guess we need jobs to have said money to do the things that we would really rather be doing.

Stay tuned for future developments - I'm not even sure what will develop.  Isn't life grand and exciting? Never know what's around the river bend.