Staying the Same?

Sometimes, just sometimes and maybe not very often - I would like for life to just stay the same.

I used to feel back when my girls were little - that the days just seemed to stretch on forever and nothing much changed except for them. My life was full of mundane tasks of feeding them, cleaning, doing laundry and cooking and pretty much doing the same things day in and day out. I would think of ways to "spice" up our days.

What I wouldn't give to have those days back again. If I would just be at home - I think maybe I would feel more like that - that the days are just the same. But with my job - nothing EVER remains the same. Just when I think I have it figured out - it changes. Just when I think I can relax a little - it changes. Just when I get to know someone - life changes for them. Just when I think we have a game plan - something happens to sweep that game plan out into the future.

Even in this "empty nesting" season of our family life - it feels like we're spinning out of control. Nothing is the same, nothing will ever be the same as it was. Trying to figure out the new way of being family. Some days I'm ok with it - some days I panic and maybe throw up in my mouth just a little and some days - my eyes leak all day.

I want to enjoy each day - I want to enjoy each moment. Because that day, that moment will never come back again. I want to enjoy the rhythm of life but just when I seem to figure out the rhythm - the beat changes or the whole song changes. I'm not very coordinated - so it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy for me to figure out the steps. Then it changes and I have to do all those mental and emotional calisthenics all over again. It's exhausting.

So I'm once again letting go. Letting go of the need to figure things out. Letting go of the need to have some form of control even when everything is out of control. Letting go of needing to be 10 steps ahead. Seems to be the theme of my life.......LETTING GO!!!

I'm every so grateful for the ONE constant in my life. I'm every so grateful that HE never changes. There are no shifting shadows in HIM. He is my ROCK, my FORTRESS, my SHELTER.  I'm ever so grateful that He holds me in the palm of His Hand so tightly that I'll never fall. I'm ever so grateful for His Unfathomable, All Accepting, Never Judging, Constant Love. HE WILL ALWAYS STAY THE SAME!!!  And yet - His Moves, His Ways, His Heart continue to amaze me even in His sameness.