Starting to Turn the Page

This picture of my lilies that are exploding is the way my heart feels. =)  Feeling that explosion rising to the surface because of the reality of the page beginning to turn. This page turning is defining for us as we shift into a new life style change and season. It will continue to be determined as this year unfolds. Right on the edge, standing on my tiptoes just hanging on waiting to take this next step.

If it doesn't happen sooner - the closing of both houses will be on July 6.  That is only 9 days from today.

Thursday after work, Hannah and I leave for a road trip to see family in Southern IN.  It will be a much needed and looked forward to time away and time to relax, reflect and gear up for the next week that will kicked into high gear of finishing up the packing and then moving. Next weekend - we will legally be Goshenites once again.

So ready for this new chapter to begin.

Something New

Yesterday, Sunday, Steve and I did something that we have never done in the 14 years of living here in Elkhart. We went up to the Jazz Festival. Yep, not sure why we've never done this before. But we did. We drove up (if he would have had his bike, we would have rode them up there) and enjoyed a band's set. And then we walked down to Iechyd Da for lunch and then walked back to listen to another band. Then we went home.

Beautiful day with my man. I wish we would have done that a long time ago.

Yep, that is all I have for today =)

Hopefully we'll have news on our house process this week.  News that say one way or another. Hopefully this week, there will be some certainty.

A Few New Happenings

First of all - I can't believe I have a daughter that has turned 30 this year. Makes me feel old when my children continue to get older.

Second - well, I can't talk about that yet....sorry....=)

Third - the process of selling our house continues to wear on Steve and I, we  have a tentative closing date of July 6. Our buyer sent us a Christmas Wish List of things that he wanted us to fix or do before we closed and possibly be a deal breaker for him if we didn't. We were quite discouraged at first because we had already accepted his offer of several thousand dollars shy of our asking price and now he wants us to do more? But as Steve digested the list (because most of it is on him) and talked to his professional electric buddy - realized that most of the stuff was very minor to do and needed to be done. The other stuff - we're leaving up to our buyer to do. So crossing our fingers and hoping for the best that this still goes through. Otherwise, if the buyer backs out - then we are back to ground zero and then we have to rethink everything. Which totally sucks, cuz we're so ready to move on. Oh well.......

On a much brighter note - my ornamental lilies are exquisite and bursting with life and they make my heart lighter and face smile =)

Another Father's Day

Another year of celebrating this man and his role in our lives. Since my father died unexpectedly in 1995, I have been more aware of this day in which we celebrate the role that the men in our lives fill. I miss my father, I think more every year. Maybe because my son in laws have never had the honor of meeting him and that my grandchildren have not had the pleasure of being tossed around and teased by their great grandpa. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and there are so many things that have happened in these past 22 years that I know he would have wanted to be a part.

So this day means a lot to me and the fact that the important and loved man in my life is still here to be celebrated for the role that he has filled as husband, father and grandpa. He loves his family - that is for sure and for certain. Not much will get this man emotional except when he starts talking about his kids and his grandkids. He will do anything for them. He will sacrifice most anything for the chance to show them once again how much he loves them.

So raise a glass or a cup with me to this man Steve Miller - the man of my heart. And be grateful for the men in your lives and the roles that they fill. Because one day, they won't be there and their absence is keenly felt. The role of "father" is huge and I hate the reality that the role of father has been greatly diminished in our society. Being a father is not just spreading around your DNA - it is a God given responsibility and privilege to raise up a child and to train them how to be and live in this world. Men you need to fill that role with pride and distinction. Don't allow the pressures of this world and culture take that away from you. Your children need you to be present for them - not just physically but emotionally as well.

Hope Deferred

There's a verse in Proverbs that says "hope deferred makes a heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

I'm beginning to wonder if we'll EVER close on the sale of our house AND the purchase of the one we want.  I know this has only been since April that we began this process. So Yes!!!  I know that things like this take time and YES I know that I'm being impatient and rather unrealistic in my hopings. And YES, you  may hear a little whine in my voice and YES  a tiny bit of frustration.

It takes me awhile to emotionally process a life change but once I've done that I've already moved on emotionally. So when the practicalities of those changes don't coincide with my emotional state - I tend to be one frustrated woman. I am ready to move on. I have projects I want to get started on in this new place. I have things I want to do and get accomplished and I can't do any of those things until we close on the house and until then here I sit surrounded by boxes and the reminder that I am in stasis - hanging in limbo - waiting.  Oh how I'm beginning to have a strong dislike for that word. We don't even have a closing date established yet!!!!   Great!!!  I'm not good at all with waiting. I feel as if I'm losing this battle.

Yes I am a drama queen and yes I need to take a chill pill and yes I need to breathe. So I will now stop my typing and take a nap in the midst of all my boxes.

I will say to my soul that my God is faithful. He is my desire fulfilled. In Him is everything that I need to live life. So once again - I take a deep breath and jump back into the current of life and continue to wait. Life is still happening.  Friends are struggling with real life issues and my home situation is not a life or death struggle. Get my eyes fixed back on the Author and Finisher of my faith. He keeps me steady. He keeps me strong. And yes He waits with me. Holding me and my friends in the Palm of His Hands. We are safe there as we wait for hope to be fulfilled maybe here in this life and maybe not until the next life but it doesn't really matter. What matters is where my heart is in the waiting. So I pull up my big girl panties and get on with the waiting and WAIT WELL

Some More Waiting..............................................

Good Grief!!!!  Will I ever get to stop waiting and just have things happen when I want them to happen?

We spent this past weekend getting most of our stuff packed up. The house that we are purchasing, the sellers are needing to close by June 28 or wait until July 15. We are hoping for the earlier date. But the problem is that June 29, Steve has had plans to be in Chicago with some high school buds and I was planning on going to visit family in Southern Indiana. So we can't move that weekend and if our buyers want to move in immediately, we're rather screwed. We tried to be able to get early occupancy but the sellers refuse - so............once again we're in waiting mode.

I really don't like when something is out of my control. I guess I'll try to look at it that God is giving us more time to say goodbye to the memories of this house where we made it  a home with our daughters.  But I hate long goodbyes - so there goes those good feelings. This weekend, we're scheduled to go camping - we love camping. I think Hannah will join us.

Other than that - we continue to wait.............again........still.........yep, still waiting...........

Let The Fun Begin

YAYAY!!!!!  Our house sold!!!!  And the purchase of our new house is moving forward. We don't have any dates yet for closing on both but looks like hopefully it will be by the end of this month.

Now......the packing can begin.  =)  I'm so ready for action.  I've become so tired of trying to occupy my time when I wanted to be busy with something, anything - just to be doing something to help the process move forward. But I had packed pretty much all that I could way ahead of time.

Now the fun happens.  I cannot wait to sink my hands into the projects that await me at a new house. I've been thinking and planning on where things will go and what I will do. A lot of it includes my husband's help......which he doesn't know yet.....hahahaha  But I'm not strong enough to do a lot of these things by myself - so I will need help.

Yesterday, I was thinking of how I can just get on my bike and go across the road to the path that leads to the back side of a park and then I can just get on the main path by the river and just ride. I can get on the main bike paths in town. I can bike to just about anywhere. I'm so excited about that.

I'm also excited that I will live closer to my siblings. One of which, will live just a few blocks from me.  I'm excited to live in the midst of a smaller community that is thriving and doing new things all the time.

Goshen is the place to be....well...at least at this time in our lives. It's a small house with a large backyard that has a tiny wooded area behind us. I'm going to plant wild flowers back there. There are raspberry bushes that need to be cleaned up.  There are bushes to trim, bushes to yank out (that's where I need Steve's help) and landscaping to do. There is not much of it at all. Mulberry trees to dispose of and better trees to plant in their place.

Oh there's so many things to think about......

A Day in the Midst of Waiting

I keep myself occupied and amused when I wait. Sometimes, it gets me in trouble.

This past Sunday, Steve and I kept occupied with an adventurous day. We started off with breakfast at The Golden Egg in Elkhart (our favorite breakfast place). Then we took off for Wabash, highly unprepared as it turns out. We just decided spontaneously to take off. We had no real agenda for the day. Steve has wanted to take me on a waterfall tour. I love waterfalls - I love the sound of rushing water - I love the sound of rippling water - I don't care how tiny the waterfall is - it fascinates me. In my mind, I'm thinking parks that have paths, you know, black top paths - not thinking at all about hiking. So I have a tank top and shorts and sandals on - not really and truly hiking garb. That was my second unprepared thing, the third was that we took no water bottles, no bug repellent - we just really were clueless.

The first waterfall we were supposed to see - we couldn't find it. The GPS told us where to turn but it ended up being someone's private driveway and not the road that "she" was telling us to turn on. We kept turning the car around and stopping to check the GPS. Finally, Steve was getting so frustrated that we decided to abandon that one and move on to the next. We had our windows down, we had the oldies playlist going, the sun was shining and we were enjoying our day.

More driving and then we found this little Preserve area that was supposed to be our waterfall stop. I wish I had taken a photo of it.....hahahah - it was a trickling stream back in woods. Beautiful flowers and wooded area - slapping at bugs and mosquitoes.  Back in the woods - there is no air flow - no wind. Just mugginess and heat. I was trying to not get discouraged. But I do so enjoy nature walks and I love the sound of water. So it was only disappointing in that there was no "huge" falls.

We finally ended up at Salamonie Forest State Park. It is a beautiful place. The Dam is very very impressive. That was a huge "waterfall".  hahaha  We did some more hiking, again - no water and not hiking apparel and again no air flow and slapping at bugs and getting bit. Oh well - we finally asked some other hikers which way to go for the falls - there was supposed to be 3 of them. The one was just there but again it was just a trickle. They told us another one was not worth walk to because the river was very low. The third one was just a little ways down the path and in a cave. We finally found it because of hearing the water but we would have had to climb down a rather steep path and then realized that we would have to climb back up. I looked at Steve and he looked at me and I was like "I'm hungry - let's go eat lunch".  hahaha - so much for our waterfall tour.

But as we were driving home - I realized once again this man loves me. We could have been very disappointed at the outcome of our trip. But as I told him, we were on an adventure. We did a lot of driving but we both love road trips. It was a beautiful day. My soul had been fed by the sounds and sights of water. Little creeks laughing and bubbling on its way over rocks and sand. Huge man made lake with a dam. The lake was quiet and still on top but knowing all the life happening underneath was quite enough imagination for me. Back in nature with the sights of flowers and sounds of birds and raccoons and the slapping of hands on bare skin as we swatted away pesky things.

We had a great lunch, where we laughed and "talked" with our kids as we sent them photos of us through the internet. Great memories.

Not a difficult day of waiting - rather enjoyable.........

Two Steps Forward and then We Wait

There has finally been some forward movement in our house downsizing process.  Even with the forward movement - we still wait. We wait to make sure that all is in order and goes through without a hitch. So.....guess what.....the next step is......more waiting.

I think I'll use the waiting time to get down into our basement to get things organized and downsized and packed up. That should keep me busy for at least a few days.

In my heart - I have been carrying a sadness that this season of change has brought. The sadness comes from decisions that are being made to move onward and upward because it means leaving good things behind and letting go of what is good to reach for something new.  It means facing forward, anticipating the new adventures that comes with leaving the familiar and comfortable, and not looking back to what was left behind. I am not sure what will happen after this decision of housing is confirmed and so it leaves me a bit apprehensive to the unknown.

But I do know that like Much Afraid in the book, Hinds Feet on High Places, I want to keep climbing onward and upward no matter the unknowns, no matter the dangers or lonely places. I don't want to look back and wonder why I allowed fear to hold me back from living life to the fullest. And in order to reach the High Places, Much Afraid had to hold onto The Shepherd's hand and allow Him to lead her into those unknown, sharp and steep places. He knows the way. He knows the pitfalls and if I keep holding onto His Hand - it will be there to steady me on the uneven and slippery places.

Even with the sadness, I do have an excitement of knowing that I will be closer to my siblings. Closer to some really good eating places.  Closer to more bike paths, which I'm very excited about.  I will have new projects to work on in this new place. I have an excitement for this next season as an "older" married couple in a much smaller house. I have ideas and dreams about what that means but once again waiting is the word.....waiting to see what will unfold.

So hurry up with the technicalities and all the financial details and let's get on with the new.........