Feeling At Peace

I was reminded this week by finding out that one of the situations that I was so devastated by, that God actually was protecting me from a poisonous situation. I had no idea. All I could see and feel and hear was that once again, I was the victim of someone else's issues. Always, Always, Always - God brings beauty from the ugly. It's so difficult to see any beauty in the midst of a betrayal, a loss, a misunderstanding, an accusation or whatever else I tend to experience from someone else's issues. The choice that I have had these past 6 months, the choice that God continued to bring me back to was do I choose to be the victim or do I choose to let God be my Defender, my Redeemer, my Salvation, my Champion. When I choose to allow Him to be Who He is - I am no longer a victim. I would get lost up in the hurt, the pain, the devastation and forget. But ever so gently, He would bring me back to Who He is for me and allow me to choose another way. Being the victim always brings drama and emotional roller coaster rides. I hate that feeling of being out of control, of being taken where I don't want to go. But that is the way of the victim - always being led around by emotions and what others are saying and doing to me.

This morning, I look back over the 6 months and realize that the fog has lifted. I see things more clearly now, the sun shines on the places and images that were once shrouded in shadows. I am beginning to see the healing take place. I am no longer angry, no longer in such pain as I was before. I will continue to choose life. I will continue to choose peace. I will continue to believe the best in people. I will continue to move forward with joy and confidence. Because I KNOW that He has my back. He will always be for me and not against me. And if He is ever before me and behind me and at my side - What and Who can not harm me. Because my eyes are on Him and on Who He is.

I know because I am human that I will forget, that I will get blindsided, that I will stumble and lose my way. That is just the way of human nature and my God knows that. He knows the humanity within me even better than I know myself. But hopefully, I am stronger because of what I went through. Hopefully, I am more confident in Who God is within me. It is by His Strength that I can hold my head high.