Looking Back Briefly

This morning I woke up at 4am,  a tad bit overwhelmed at the realization that this is the last week of 2017. So my mind immediately begins to think over this year.

February, our family met out in California to be together for 10 whole days. In 2016 - they had all dispersed. One out to Cali and the other over to The Netherlands. Thankfully Hannah and Randell are only about an hour away in Michigan. We had been together for Hannah's wedding in June 2016, so February was a much looked forward to time of being together after being apart for so long. At that time, Lucas had not yet arrived on the scene, which made parting such a difficult affair.

March, Lucas was born and we had the pleasure of meeting him through Skype. Not the same as being present for Johan's birth and first several months but nontheless, it was better than snail mail.

April-May, we began the process of putting our Elkhart house on the market. It was an old house and quite large for just the two of us. And we finally admitted the sad reality that all of our children coming home at the same time was not going to be the norm and we needed to downsize. That process was painful to say the least. We began to go through all of the accumulations of the past 14 years of living there and saying goodbye to a lot of memories. It was also physically painful because of having to paint the entire main level and moving furniture.

June, we sold the house after a week and half on the market. We purchased a house in Goshen, where we could be a bit closer in proximity to my siblings, and feel a bit more connected. I had also begun the process of leaving my job at The Window.

July 6, we signed papers, moved all of the remaining belongings and on that same day, I put in my resignation at The Window where I had been employed for 4 years.  July 28, I walked away from a job that totally had my heart and soul. It was difficult.

August, I drove myself down to Florida and back to just get away from everything and everyone. It was a very refreshing time for me. At the end of August, I was hired into the Goshen School System first as a cross guard and a cafeteria sub. In a few weeks, I was hired into the Middle School as a cook.

September, we flew to The Netherlands to meet in person our newest grandson, Lucas and reuniting with Johan and their parents. We had  a lot of new adventures there and loved every minute of being with them.

October, lots of ups and downs for me personally. I soon realized that I was not going to survive at this present occupation. I have a new respect and appreciation for cooks in the schools.They work very hard for not a lot of money or appreciation and put up with a lot of crap from students. I continued to look around for new employment where I could make more money for perhaps not so many hours.

November, Thanksgiving with a few people around our table in our new, smaller home. Steve's Mom and Sister; Hannah and Randell; and Emily who had come up from Florida to visit Hannah. A couple days after, Steve and I flew out to California to be with Krista and Josh for 10 days. We had a lovely time and even more new adventures there.

December, We were not quite as depressed as last Christmas, so we put up decorations and had to get a new tree that would fit in out little house. =)  We did our "now normal" Skype Christmas with the kids and grand kids. It is not the way that I would like to do things but we are making it work and building memories over the internet.

Lots of changes, lots of adventure, some major disappointments and a whole lot of life that we lived in 2017. We are looking forward to 2018. I do believe I will be starting a new job within the first week of the new year but I don't want to count my chickens before they are actually hatched, so I will say no more than that until it's official. We are also looking forward to ALL of our children and grand children coming here the end of April 2018 for 2 whole weeks.  And then, I'm sure that there will be more traveling later in the year. Already 2018 is potentially better than this past year was and maybe not so many life changes - but we never know what is around the next bend.

I sure am so very grateful for the Hands of the Almighty that holds me safely and securely. I can face anything that comes my way when I know that I'm safe in Him.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Same+Different=New Beauty

This was a perfect sunrise morning, I think it was this past Sunday morning actually. The sun peeking as it promises warmth and newness for the day. There was a pretty harsh frost on the grass and plants that morning as well.  This morning sunrise - spoke to the depths of my heart.

My heart feels as if there is a harsh frost on the top of it. Harshness, crispness, coldness, numbness - all describing how frost feels. Underneath though there is still life teeming. And as the sun travels further up into the sky - the rays spreads out over the frost and melts it - revealing the life and warmth and feeling underneath it all. I love the fog that happens as the sun hits that frost. So many layers to a sunrise on a cold November morning.

I am looking forward to the next step. These next steps seem to be going into a totally different direction than what I first anticipated. But I am leaning on my Shepherd. I am leaning into His heart. Learning to hear only His heartbeat for me. Not giving into the voices that swirl about my ears and head, trying to distract me from hearing His voice. He is my True North.

Finding joy and beauty in the little things and the little progresses along the way. Finding joy and purpose in each activity that I pursue. Whether it's learning to bake bread again or getting a new smaller tree to fit into our smaller house or having joy in decorating the house for Christmas again or filling my bird feeders and then watching those birds in all shapes and colors come to feed.

Same ornaments but on a different tree. =)  Learning that same and different together creates a whole new beauty. I'm learning to know me all over again. Maybe this next major step will be doing much the same but in a different environment.....more to come on that as it develops.

The Love of God = Not Something New

I continue to stand amazed in the presence of the tidal wave force of the Love of God

"The Love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell. It goes beyond the highest star and reaches to the lowest hell. The guilty pair, bowed down with care. God gave His Son to win. His erring child, He reconciled and pardoned from His sin.

Oh Love of God, how rich and pure. How measureless and strong. It shall forever more endure, the saint's and angel's song.

When hoary (old, ancient) times shall pass away, and earthly thrones and kingdoms fall. When men who here, refuse to pray on rocks and hills and mountains call. God's love so sure, shall still endure. All measureless and strong. Redeeming grace to Adam's race, the saints and angel's song.

Oh Love of God, how rich and pure. How measureless and strong. It shall forever more endure, the saint's and angel's song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were skies of parchment made. Were every stalk on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade. To write the love of God above, could drain the ocean dry. Nor could scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky.

O Love of God, how rich and pure. How measureless and strong. It shall forever more endure, the saint's and angel's song."

His Love is nothing new BUT it continues to make us new each and every day!!!

Seeing a New Grandson and a New Country

We returned late last night from our trip to The Netherlands to meet in person our newest grandson and to reunite with his parents and brother. This was the very first time for both Steve and I to be in this country. We fell in love with our new grandson and strengthened our bonds with his brother who is now 3 and our daughter and her husband. It was lovely to visit and become familiar with the way that they live life in this adorable little country.

We went for bike rides and lots of walking. We played with the boys and sat up late talking with their parents. We even visited another new country and city for a few hours one day. Took the train for 4 hours there and back. We certainly want to go back to Paris to spend more time there. Having only 6 hours to spend is not even close to having enough time there. We went to the Eiffel Tower and to The Louvre, which is a humongous art and history museum. I wish I would have been able to track how many steps, stairs and miles we walked that day.  We returned to their place around midnight, exhausted and realizing once again that Steve and I are not very fit - everything hurt from head to toe.

I love visiting other countries that have rich histories. I love their rich architectures and layers of centuries of cultures.
But most of all - I love being with my kids and grandsons. That is all for now. We returned home late last night after 21 hours of traveling and immediately fell into a deep sleep until about 3am when jet lag kicked in and now we catching up with all our mail and messages. Naps will come in handy this afternoon.

It's HIS not Mine!

This morning with just a hint of color for a sunrise - it didn't last long at all with the cloudy, rainy skies.
Reading "If" book this morning and this stopped me in my tracks.

"And if you don't despise the day of small beginnings, the God who began a good work will carry it to completion. Why? Because it's not your vision; it's His. It's not your business; it's His. It's not your job; it's His. It's not your cause; it's His.  Someone may have hired you to do your job, but make no mistake about it, they didn't call you. Only God can call us. You may have been elected to your position, but make no mistake about it, your constituents didn't call you; God did. No matter where you work or what you do, you are called by God. Your job is  your sermon. Your colleagues are your congregation. That sense of calling turns Monday morning into ' what if'. " - Mark Batterson

So the faint colors of sunrise this morning is the small beginnings of today's adventures.
Today, I go into the lunch room and push around the garbage can and clean up after children with a renewed perspective.  Pushing around trash cans are small beginnings to grand adventures!

"Sometimes the greatest sermon is dong a good job at a bad job or doing a thankless job with a grateful heart."

A Sunrise, A Few Good Books and a New Resolve

The sunrise this morning was intoxicating!  I couldn't stop watching it. So full of colors and majesty and glory! It was breathtaking.  It was another promise of a new day full of grace and mercy and adventure.

I am reading two books right now that have been convicting, challenging, encouraging and calling my spirit to rise up within me. They are If: Trading Your If Only Regrets for God's What If Possibilities by Mark Batterson. And the one I just started this morning is The Deborah Anointing, Embracing the Call to be a Woman of Wisdom and Discernment by Michelle McClain-Walters.

I am amazed how quickly and subtly fear creeps in and all of a sudden I find myself hiding in the corner and I wonder how in the world I got there. I am not one to be easily intimidated but I allowed a betrayal of confidence and untruths to intimidate me and cause me to back away from the destiny and calling and passion God has placed in me. So I served fear notice that it was done and I wasn't going to allow the smallness of some people to quiet me and cause me to feel small and insignificant. I am Woman - hear me roar!!!  LOL

I am awake and alert now and listening!  I know that when my heart is leaning in to the Heart of the Father - I will be ready to move. I will be hearing His heart beat and know when the timing is right.

But for now.....I help to usher in the Kingdom of Love into the Goshen School System. Wherever I put my feet - the Kingdom will be brought.

The Language of Love

There are so many ways in which Steve and I are on the extreme opposite ends of the spectrum. One of those many ways is in our language of love.

I interpret how much anyone loves me by them spending time with me, time thinking of me, time telling me nice things - basically TIME!  And the other way is WORDS - I thrive on recognition, encouragement, noticing, validation - all to do with words.

Steve on the other hand is all about SERVICE - doing nice things, going the extra mile, making things, doing chores - basically anything that requires acts of service.

In our marriage it has been rocky to try and learn each other's love language and then be willing to recognize them and accept them and then to doing something about it.

I would tend to feel insecure about the way he feels about me because he doesn't tell me how nice I look, or how much he loves, or why he loves me or............or........

He would get irritated because I wouldn't make him dinner, or mow the yard, or take out the garbage or notice when he's had a hard day and do something nice for him.

So you can see the hamster wheel begin to turn and for a number of years - it was not pretty.

We have learned to communicate, to listen, and to be loving enough to go out of our comfort zones to learn how to communicate love in the language of the other. It's very freeing to lay down my right to my way of love and do what isn't natural for me. And then it's really fun to realize that when I do that - I then am blessed by the way he lays down his rights and communicates love to me in my way.

I am also recognizing being the recipient of the blessing of Steve's love language is really cool.  I try to not take advantage of it.

But here is a tangible way in which he expresses his love for me.

I wanted a work bench and space to do my hobbies in the garage and today, his day off work - this is what he did for me.  I then showered him with praise and words of gratitude and he told me to stop gushing....hahaha  So we're learning how to accept and admire and receive each other's languages of love.

It's the Little Things

I began my new job with Goshen Schools being the Cafeteria Sub for all the schools this week. I am at the Middle School for the last 3 days and then all of next week. Mainly, I clean tables, monitor the dining room, push trash cans around, smile at the kids, say hello, say a little something to them, make eye contact, etc.

Yesterday morning I was journaling and thinking about my new job and was tempted to think "what am I doing?"  I came from being a Kitchen Administrator with all the responsibilities to pushing around trash cans for the kids to throw their trash into. But as soon as that thought crossed my mind, the next thought came that "whatever my hand finds to do, to do it with all my might."  That my folks is where the rubber meets the road - at least for me.  I then remembered the past couple of days where some of the kids thanked me as they threw their trash in the can that I was offering. Wednesday, one boy called me over and said that I looked like "Little Debbie" - not sure if that's a compliment or not but I took it as such; and yesterday, he kept calling me over to his table because he wanted to say hi to Little Debbie.....hahaha

Yesterday, I stopped by one young lady and remarked about how long her hair was and asked her if she's grown it since she was little. She thanked me for noticing. I stopped by another young lady who was sketching a drawing from looking at a photo and I remarked on how incredibly talented she is. Another young man, I had to ask him to please settle down. He acquiesced and gave me a nod. A young lady came running up to me and hugged me hugely because she remembered me from The Window. At the end of one table, sat 2 girls and as I bent to pick up something off the floor - I startled one of them. I apologized and then I (in my own unique way) told them to never startle me because I might pee my pants - oh that sent them into gales of laughter. I know they will never forget this old lunch lady.

Am I making a huge difference - I have no idea. But as I push around those trash cans, I know that I am making my Father proud as notice the little things in these precious young men and women. My prayer is that whatever school I find myself in - that I would notice the little things and recognize the beauty of Almighty God in each nuance and "thank you" and the color of their eyes.

For now, this is the season where God has me and I will do everything in my power to make it an adventure and bring glory to my Father who is guiding my every step.

New Beginnings and Settling In

Tomorrow - I begin my new job with Goshen School Systems. Today, I went in to finalize all my paperwork and make sure that there was nothing alarming in my criminal background check. Whew....I was sweating bullets on that one....LOL

This week there is a lot of extra Yoders in the area because we are having our family reunion this weekend. Tomorrow morning some of my cousins are coming over for breakfast along with my mom and sisters.

Then I bike up to the Goshen Middle School to begin my first assignment of "subbing" in the kitchen/cafeteria. I think I'm going to be busy.

This past weekend Steve and I completed some projects around our house. It's looking good and feeling very much like our own now. I love when we can take a house and put our own personal touches to it and make it our home.

More gardening will happen next spring - but this is a start. I already have hummingbirds, nuthatches, cardinals, purple house finches, yellow finches and lots of sparrows. I enjoy sitting and watching them all.

In 2 weeks - we get on a plane and head over to The Netherlands to see our daughter and her family and hold our newest grandson for the first time. He will be 6 months while we are there. Johan has turned 3 this past Sunday. We will not be there near long enough but we will treasure and store up all the time that we do have with them. It will be the first time for Steve and I to be in that part of Europe.  We are also planning a day trip to Paris while we're there.

Doing A Few New Things

Last weekend, my Yoder family went on our annual (3rd year running) campout. We went to a new place. Seems like everywhere we go - we find new ways of being Yoder's and the one new way that we found was "rowdyism" (well actually it was how not to be rowdyism).  Yes, it clearly is a word cuz we googled it. And yes, it was on a set of rules with this one particular campgrounds. But the wording was "no rowdyism". It was second on the list of what not to do or be. We found the entire weekend was trying very hard not to be rowdyism. And if you know our family....well....let's just say - we don't succeed very well in that area.  hahaha

Also during the weekend, I tried something new to taste......turkish delight....can't really see why Edward gave up his siblings for some turkish delight in the Chronicles of Narnia - really wasn't THAT good.

Today, we again had an informal get together. Mom and Pops are in town, so we try to find any excuse to get together. This morning it was over waffles. I tried a couple new things: Mom's gluten free waffle and Lisa's new pecan waffle recipe. No offence to either of them, but I think I'll stick with my gluten-filled Bisquick waffles with pecans baked on top and fresh fruit, yogurt and pure maple syrup.

Another new thing that I did actually this morning was something I have never done before and it kinda creeped me out a bit. And that was to do a criminal background check on myself. I've had employers do that on me when I've begun a new job and evidently there's nothing to report because they continued to hire me. But this is the first time that I've been asked to do it myself and pay for it.
Maybe within the last 4 years since the last time one was done - I've done something criminal.....well we shall see.....it was rather weird though to do it on  myself.

So what new things have you tried lately???  Be brave. I'll keep forging new frontiers and going where I've never gone before and trying all things new. I shall see what new thing will spring up as I check out every opportunity that knocks on my door.

What Is Clearly At Hand

"Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."  Thomas Carlyle

Living in the moment - not living in the past the "if only" and not living in the future "what if" but the "as if" right now!!!!

The promise of a new day to do what it is in my hand to do today!!!  There are many possibilities to what lies ahead but nothing is for sure except for what is right now!!!

What I see clearly is  right before the foggy haze. As the "Son" shines upon the fog - more becomes visible and I will then see clearly. So I progress with what I see at hand and do what is clear to me right now and as Holy Spirit shines through the fogginess of the future - more becomes clear.

Is it all clear to you as well?  Do today what is clearly seen to do today. Be who God has created you to be and all will become clear as we reveal His Glory and Beauty in our being.

Finding Rest in the Quiet, Lonely Spaces

Right?!?!  Isn't the quiet, lonely spaces restful? I'm finding out it isn't quite that simple and easy.

My mind constantly spins and whirs and chatters. It is very difficult to shut  my mind off. After so many years of trying to stay ahead with homeschooling my girls and then to keep up with them as they graduated and headed off into their own worlds. And then to also manage a very busy kitchen in a socially charged atmosphere.  I find myself not really knowing how to shut my mind off. As soon as I stir in the morning - my mind begins.

I'm finding that my quiet, lonely space these days has a new dimension to it. I don't really know myself anymore. I thought I did but the Holy Spirit has stretched me so much over the last 4 years that I don't seem to recognize who I am. It is a rather disconcerting place to be and to admit.

I do LOVE sunrises - that much I do know.

The sky this morning looks very much like my quiet, lonely spaces - very cloudy with peeks of sunshine.

I'm reading this book "If: Trading Your If Only Regrets for God's What If Possibilites" by Mark Batterson. This morning  this quote really jumped out at me and spoke to my lonely heart.
"Perhaps you're recently divorced. Maybe you've lost a job or lost a loved one this year. Or maybe your last child went off to college or your athletic career ended. In each of these scenarios and a thousand others, a vacuum was created. God wants to fill that vacuum with His Holy Spirit.The same Spirit who hovered over the void is hovering over you. He can bring beautiful order out of utter chaos."

Maybe this will encourage you this morning as it did me. I trust the Heart of the Holy Spirit as He hovers and broods over me in the quiet, lonely spaces of my heart.

A New Place

Bradenton, Florida was my trip destination. I drove down last Monday half of the way and spent the night in Chattanooga, TN where my husband had so kindly reserved a hotel room for me. Then drove the rest of the way on Tuesday. And then did the same thing yesterday and arrived home today around 1.30pm.  These are photos of where I was staying with one of my cousins and she lives a few roads back from the banks of the Upper Manatee River. It was such a beautiful sight for sunrises.
I was down there for 5 days and had a lot of resting, sleeping, reading and debriefing times. It was really hot during the day - so I was almost forced to stay inside and basically do nothing except rest. That was one of the main reasons why I needed to leave the routine and the familiar - so I would have no excuse to not rest.

One of the days I was down there, I drove over to Anna Maria Island and hung out at the beach and when it got too hot to be out in the sun, I sat at a waterside restaurant and was able to dig my feet in the sand and be under an umbrella but be close enough to hear the waves and bask in the wonder of the ocean.

It was a very healing time for me and I come back renewed, refreshed and ready for the next step of my journey - whatever that may be.

Doing A New Thing

Tomorrow I do something that I've never done before.....take a 17 hour road trip all by myself.  I've done 4-6 hour road trips alone but never this long. I'm excited and exhilarated as I think about the open road with my windows rolled down and singing at the top of my lungs along to my tunes. Also being able to talk to God out loud and scream and yell and cry - no one is going to hear me. I may get some odd looks as the pass me by but I really and truly don't care. The open road is therapeutic for me and I'm looking forward to the frustrations, disappointments, and the anger rolling off my shoulders as I roll down the highway. Letting everything go mile upon mile.

I will be spending some time on the beach - which will also be therapeutic for me. Waves and sand speak deeply to my soul. By the time I hit the beach- I will be so ready for God to speak His Love Language to the depths of my soul. I will have gotten rid of the yuck and will be ready to be so filled up with His immense Love for me. I am so ready to once again have  my soul refreshed and be able to hear His Still Small Voice.

I will also be spending time with my good friend and cousin. She is a certified Life Coach and will also help me as I deal with what was and look forward to what will be.

My dearest husband has taken care of me by reserving a hotel about half way both there and back. So I can take the miles in 2 days. I will only be gone a week but it will be life changing as all the cobwebs get swept out and I can see clearly.

Looking forward to a much happier and lighter side of me that I haven't been able to see for awhile. My daughter Hannah told me she is ready for a "stress-free" mom. Don't think that will ever be the case but less stress mom is what I'm looking forward to what that looks and feels like.

Discovering the next step and a new season - I'm excited for that!  

First Days Struggle

This is only Thursday and I have only NOT been working for 4 days and have gone through so many emotions and internal churning - that I feel it's been longer.

I want to "journal" my time of learning how to just be and NOT so much doing because I struggle with it so much and I know many others do as well. You don't have to read - I'm doing this mainly for me. You can follow along with my journey as you wish. I am not looking for applause or criticisms. If you wish to comment I highly approve. I hope that the Life of Jesus that flows through my processing will also encourage and inspire anyone else as you may relate to the struggle or joys or triumphs.

I have a lot of frustration that I have been struggling with getting past. Usually I quickly get irritated, frustrated and angry but it usually is for a moment and then I'm done and ready to move on. I call it a "flash in the pan" kind of irritation. But I have been dealing with a high level of frustration since the beginning of this year and it has been building until I am plain and simple angry. I will NOT give myself or anyone else the satisfaction of giving any details. Because this is my journey and I don't want to malign anyone else's character or reputation.

I have been having small tension headaches the past couple of days and I realize that I'm still carrying the frustration of seeing injustice happen to people that I care about and it really bothers me. I know I need to let it go cuz it really isn't my problem anymore but because I care - it bothers me. I hate seeing someone get away with treating others badly because they don't like them or because these people irritate them or inconvenience them or even because these people confront them. Everything inside of me wants to retaliate in some way but I know I must choose LOVE.  I know I must choose forgiveness and I know I have to stop taking on someone else's offences. I must do all I can to be at peace.

A good reminder that I read yesterday was a person of integrity chooses to do the right thing even when no one is watching or noticing.  I always strive to be a person of integrity. That's why I hate when people leave shopping carts in the parking lot. I have a difficult time walking by a piece of trash when it shouldn't be there in the first place. I try to always pick it up. I don't say these things to get a pat on the back or any applause. Just reminding myself that choosing to LOVE in the face of injustice is choosing to do the right thing even if it really doesn't make a difference. It does with in me.

So today - the lesson is to choose to LOVE in spite of........doesn't mean to be a doormat. But ultimately God is responsible to bring that person or persons to justice in due time. NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.  If  I walk in love than that gives God room and space and freedom to move in justice. It also gives my body the rest it needs. When I take on anything more than I'm responsible for then I get headaches, I get digestive problems, I get the churning going on and sleepless nights.  I really can't bring justice anyway - it's a fruitless endeavor when it's not within my power to do so.

The sunrises have been touching me in the very depths of my being. Bringing me life and healing and rest. I glory in the awesome creative power of my God and His artistic touches that breath so much life.

Morning Has Broken

Morning has broken was a song that entered into my mind yesterday morning as I watched the sun rise. I can't help but take photos of the glorious views that I have every morning here in this new home.

Monday morning, my sisters, nieces and nephews and great niece and nephews came to celebrate my first day of not having a job. Nothing quite like purchasing a new home and then deciding to quit your job. Exhilarating?  Well, not quite, but it had to be done.

And then my daughter and grandsons joined in the fun as well via video chat

Yesterday, I was battling a headache and loads of tiredness, so, I slept off and on pretty much all morning. I began to feel guilty for not getting up and doing something productive but just as quick I realized that my body is letting go of all the stress from the past 4 1/2 years and I needed to rest - that was being productive. I have lost 7 lbs since I walked away. That to me just shows how much stress I had been under.  I have a lot more to lose but I'm well on my way.

Yesterday afternoon, I was blessed by my friends from The Window as they gave me a farewell lunch. So good to share with them some highlights from my time of serving and then to share my short term plans. Lots of laughs and a few tears and really really good food.

Today, I feel energized and ready to get some things done. Cleaning out the camper and getting it ready for a weekend. Getting some things in order for my road trip to Florida.

First Day of Freedom

I had dreams during the night of not being able to get my work done at The Window, of people interrupting me, of food not getting done, produce coming in, donations coming in - lots of decisions to be made in short amounts of time......I would consider them nightmares.

Woke up to the reality that I didn't have to go into work. It will take me awhile to realize that I'm not just on vacation.

This week is a week of puttering around the house, getting ready to go camping and being able to sleep whenever I want.

Next week, I do another first and that is to get out on the open road all by myself and head to Florida for a few days. Yep, just me, myself and I in my car with the windows open and the music loud - wind blowing my hair and nothing to do but drive and sing at the top of my lungs. That in itself will be very therapeutic for me. I love to drive and I love the open road. I will be staying with my good friend and cousin who is a certified life coach and she will also help me to debrief the past 4 1/2 years, especially the past year that was full of tension, disagreements, drama and lots of stress. Hoping to come back with most if not all the cobwebs gone and clear thinking and dreams and passions.

But that is next week - back to my first day......going to pick up donuts for my Yoder family that will be coming for breakfast to help me celebrate and enjoy my first day.

I am so thankful and so grateful for my husband who encourages me and supports me to take this time to "pull myself together".  It's probably mostly for his own sanity and health and protection....hahahaha LOL

I am so thankful and so very grateful to the Lover of my soul - who reminds me how deeply He loves me with this house that is quickly becoming home and the amazing view I have every single morning.

New Projects and New Beginnings

On a much lighter and more fun note....or blog....we are beginning some outdoor projects around our house.....Last weekend - Steve tore out the back entrance steps which was crumbling down and replaced them with a small wood deck/steps

He needs to put up the railing yet.

This afternoon, he began to grade our driveway to make room for his work truck for parking and to level out our drive.

I on the other hand....after my grueling, emotionally exhausting last day at The Window  was enjoying my Rum and Coke while I watched him and took videos to share with Johan (our grandson).

We end our day tonight by celebrating life and endings and an early partial retirement and new beginnings with dinner and drinks at the Channel Marker in Syracuse. 

Giving Up My Key

Wow!!!  Tomorrow, the sun will come out. Tomorrow, God will continue to show up.  Tomorrow, lunch will go on as usual at The Window.....but....for me it will be my last time.

Today I gave my key to Dawn Yoder, who is the new Kitchen Administrator.  It felt weird to hand my key over to someone else. The key that I've had on my key ring for 4 1/2 years. The key that opened all the doors and allowed me to enter into a place where God is at work.

I didn't think too much about it - it was a quick decision on my part but as she took that key reality came crashing in as I realized that I no longer had the honor and privilege to enter into any door at The Window, I now had to ask permission. I now have to be the one to borrow someone's key if I need to go over to the pantry or down to the basement or even to the staff bathroom. Wow!!!

So many lives that touched mine over these past 4 1/2 years. So many that I've given a smile to, given a hug, given a cup of coffee, given a meal, even given a kick in the backside when they needed it. =)  These years have been precious, challenging, overwhelming, nerve wracking, stressful, full of laughter, tears, dancing, singing and a whole lot of God stuff. God has shown up in ways that I will never ever forget. He has shown up in the tiniest of details to the hugest of watching multiplication of food right before my very eyes, to watching the sugar bin never run dry without purchasing one bag of sugar in 4 years. I have watched Him touch people's lives, giving them tents, shoes, jobs, places to live, giving them hope for the future. I have watched Him help people get sober, clean from addictions, get their kids back and move on with their lives in productive ways. I have also watched with  pain and tears as people walked back into lifestyles of addictions and even incarceration. I have also watched the community come together when one of our own passed away. I have lived a lot of life during these years and I wouldn't trade one of these moments for anything.